"Shine on you crazy diamond"

DONE! My second tattoo is done, and I LOVE it!!!! I had written (here) about how much I wanted a second tattoo and what my different ideas were for it. Well I did it, and I went with one of my original ideas, which was to get "shine on you crazy diamond" down the side of my foot. AND it's low enough that if I'm wearing heels it won't show. SO as far as I'm concerned (even though I'm 25 and haven't lived at home in YEARS) it still complies with my Momma's request. SWEET!

I decided to go with these lyrics from the Pink Floyd song titled "Shine on you crazy diamond" to commemorate and as a reminder of the struggle I've gone through throughout my entire life to overcome my depression and anxiety stemming from abuse suffered as a young child.

I'm in love with it! It will serve as a constant reminder to a) keep shining and b) hold my head up high (more metaphorically speaking, since I've been bent over all day staring at it!) 

"Knocked Down, Beaten, Black and Blue"...Mentally That Is.

FUCK!

I'm making something happen. Or at least I'm trying to. My therapist will be really impressed when she gets back from holidays. See, I have a hard time "making things happen". I'm scared of failure, I have lack of motivation, and I'm a self destructive. So it usually takes something big for me to jump into action, and then I'm only "in action" for a split second, and if nothing happens, or come from the action of taken, I give up. I wish I was more persistent, and self confidant, but I'm working on it.

Anyhow, here's the "big" thing that happened, that pushed me into action. Well I guess it isn't just one thing, it's more like a series of medium things:

First of all, I'd like to start by saying that I understand that everyone deals with pricks in the work place, and I shouldn't let it get to me, blah blah blah. But I'm a delicate flower...or more realistically, I may treat myself like a piece of shit sometimes, but I'll be damned if someone else thinks they're going to treat me like a piece of shit...only I get that privilege dammit!!

1. I have a turtle neck top...let me reiterate TURTLE NECK, that has a small cut out across my shoulder area on the back. The cut out is below the neck, between the bra straps, and above the bra line. I was told by a co-worker that "I'm giving people the wrong impression" by wearing it. NOTE: This particular co-worker wears low cut bar tops, that show the joining of the two cups of her bra...

(Like this, only it was a turtle neck, and the hole in the back was much smaller)

2. My boss was told by a fellow manager that she thinks that I am overpaid for my job, etc. Let me remind you, that I live in my boyfriend's parents basement, and make under the poverty line. I could in no way sustain myself on my income...and that's too much money?

3. Someone at my workplace bought a stuffed pumpkin to sit in our reception area in fall. Someone unrelated to me, 2 years ago. All I do is put it out each fall as part of the seasonal decorations. I was yelled at, talked down to, and told it looks completely unprofessional and instructed to remove it, by someone who does not have the authority to make those types of requests. Especially since I have no authorization to remove it since I didn't purchase it, and it's been in our office for 2 years. A co-worker that was present during the incident told me to go to HR since the way I was "spoken" to (used loosely since this individual was yelling) was way out of line.

4. I was reprimanded for dressing inappropriately for the work place because my skirt was too short, and told that me dressing inappropriately has come up several times before. My skirt was 2 inches above the knee (and it's the shortest skirt I wear to work), and I was wearing grey stockings, so none of my actual leg was showing. I should add that no where in our dress policy does it say anything about the length of skirts, and managers and other employees regularly wear shorter skirts. Ex. While I was in the washroom crying, after feeling attacked and mistreated since I don't wear anything that is inappropriate, and I dress more appropriately than most of my colleagues, an employee came out of the stall wearing a shorter skirt than I.

(Like this, only it was a black skirt with grey stockings)

Those are only 4 recent (as in, 3 within the last week) examples of why it's time for a change. They don't seem so bad written down, but they really felt as though I was being attacked and mistreated. I'm not in high school anymore, and I'm sick of all of the juvenile bullshit. I'm a good person, and I've never done anything offensive to anyone I work with, and I don't deserve to be treated as if I'm some kind of worthless slut, because I'm young, and clothes look different on me then some of the other people I work with.

So I've applied for some other jobs within my company, and spoken with my supervisor about making my position part time so I can go back to school, (in the event that one of the positions closer to home does not pan out), so I can get the hell out of this place. Enough is enough. My anxiety is bad enough without having to wake up each morning dreading the 8 hours ahead of me.

Sex Bomb, Sex Bomb!

FYI - This post is about "sex life" more specifically, my sex life...(that warning is for you Mom)

I think sex is healthy. I'd say most people would agree with me. Aside from the physical benefits of having a work out, the stress relief, and other necessary reliefs, it builds confidence, it strengthens relationships, it helps keep couples close, both physically and mentally, and is the distinguishing factor between, being a "couple" and being "roommates" as far as I'm concerned.

So yes, the BF does not worry that I'll ever "have a headache" or "not feel well" or "am too tired". We're pretty much on par as far as desire goes, and it's something I'm proud of, so I can't understand this perpetuated stereotype that women only "give it up" on holidays, and birthdays.

Anyhow...all this considered, and after 4 years of no excuses...no stereotypical, male gives female back rub hoping it'll lead to sex...it happened.

Two nights ago I was feeling sooo sick. I fell asleep at 7pm on the couch, and woke up at 9pm,  forced myself to get up and go lay down in bed. The BF got me a "puke bucket" and laid down behind me, rubbing my back. And then...he tried to progress that back rub...seriously! Come on! I've never had to say "no, I'm too sick", until that day. I'm kinda ticked off that he made me say it...I was proud that I'd never had to before. So, UGH! Now I'm one of those women whose "too sick" for sex. Lame!

"No More Teacher's, Dirty Looks"

I'm facing a dilema, one I'm confidant many others before me have also faced: Can I afford to go back to school?

Yes, I realise it's my own fault for dicking around and not completing all of my courses when I was actually enrolled in University and did not have to hold down a job.

Yes, I realise that had I made better decisions when I was 18 I would have gone to school somewhere else, attended a different program, and likely be in a much happier and successful place in my life. Too bad I can't call a mulligan on that one.

Yes, I realise that with only 2.5 credits left of my undergrad, I really need to do anything in my power to finish my education, and not spend the rest of my life paying off a debt incurred for nothing.

Also, I realise that I shouldn't say "but"...BUT now that I'm currently working fill time, I have bills to pay. I don't live at home, I'm not under Mom and Dad's wing anymore, and although they help me out TREMENDOUSLY I can't ask them to fill my bank account like they did when I was 18 and living away from home for the first time. So it's up to me. For the first time ever, it's up to me to figure it out and make it on my own.

If I quit my job I won't get any severance pay or be eligible for employment insurance, so there goes any form of income. I could try and keep my job and do courses at night, however the courses I'm required to take are not offered at night, so that limits that ability. I'm not eligible for OSAP because "I make too much money"...HA, come again!? (that's what she said!) And I'm not eligible for the "Second Careers" program because I'm not laid off. Meaning any government assistance is out of the question.

So my only option is to find a part time job, to work and attend school. Sounds simple enough, except I want the guarantee of a job before I quit, and all the jobs I've apply to have not returned even the invitation of an interview...so that's kinda throwing a wrench in the plan.

So here I am, 3 years after taking my last University course, and trying to figure out what the fuck to do with myself, and my future.

Oh ya, and this morning I read an article on how students with part-time jobs have a hard time completing their course work. Well FUCK! I had a hard time completing my course work while not working and sitting at home in front of my computer. Second time's the charm? Let's hope so.

Oh, and a small rant to the Canadian Government - Had you not spent 1.1 Billion dollars on the G20/G8 summits, you could afford to better assist all of your residents with their schooling. Like...I don't know... paying for it!?!! Do you know what the crime rate is in places where schooling is free? Do you know the long term benefits of having a well educated population? ...And while we're at it, what are the long term...or even short term benefits of spending a BILLION dollars on 2 summits, that caused nothing be grief to the people of Toronto and the surrounding areas? hmm...

This is Halloween, This is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!

It's TIMMMEEEE! I can smell it, sense it, feel it...FALL! I am really very sad that summer is over, however fall brings us Halloween, and that is just SPECTACULAR! I LOVE Halloween...and also caps lock it would seem!

I've decided to go as Medusa, and my mind has been running ever since I made the decision. I love making halloween costumes it gives me the opportunity to be creative. I've seen some really crappy versions of "buyable" Medusa costumes online, and have decided to really do this 100% by hand (well perhaps with the assistance of my sewing machine) instead of buying it pre made, which I've done in other years because I spend all my time making costumes for other people. (You can take that to mean I'm an incredibly selfless, amazing person, or that I really like the attention I get when everyone is bragging that I made their costumes, and bigging me up...either way, you're probably right).

A couple of friends have already requested my excellence, so I'll be getting started soon! I actually can not wait! If I could make costumes full time, I would. Damn realistic income needs!

Some of my friends and I have decided to go with a mythological theme. So I'll be making, along with my Medusa costume, a Zeus costume, and a Hercules costume, so far.

Can't wait to upload the pictures once the costume making process begins!

Remember What the Doormouse Said: "Keep Your Head!"

Alice in Wonderland - I begged, I pleaded, I planned, I waited...I was like a little kid.

I anticipated the release of this movie for a year, looking at the pictures, watching the trailors, and planning when I would get to see it. You see, I have a slight obsession with Alice in Wonderland, AND with Tim Burton. So this was a combo made in heaven for me!

But much to my dismay I didn't get to see it in theaters... I did however get to see Ironman...bullshit! (actually it was amazing, but that's besides the point). Anyhow the day I thought Alice in Wonderland was going to be released on video, the BF and I went to rent it...I was off, by a day. We were one day early, so instead we rented the movie Bronson - Interesting, but definitely no Alice in Wonderland.

Anyhow two nights ago after I went to bed, the BF got Alice in Wonderland for us to watch. I wasn't sure if he had picked it up until yesterday when I asked him if he had gotten it, to which he responded ..."uhhhh ya, I already watched the first half of it..." my response: "WHAT?!? You did WHAT?" Him: "Yaaa, I turned it on to see if it worked... and if it was any good, and I couldn't turn it off.." So I was all, "Ya well now we're watching it as soon as we get home! And you're going to react the EXACT same way you did the first time you saw it! And you're going to say all of the internal thoughts you had about it out loud, so we can talk about it!!" (Ha, you fucked yourself!)

Then when we got home I asked him to get the movie and snack ready while I hopped in the shower, expressing clearly my annoyance and his jerkiness for having watched the beginning of it without me. Then as I leaned down to give him a kiss (because despite my annoyance with him, hes too cute not to kiss), he laughed, saying "actually I was kidding, I didn't watch any of it, ha ha, you're so easy to get going!"

Jerk!

p.s. We watched it. It was good, but I had my expectations set SO high, I think I made it unattainable. I'm going to listen to Jefferson Airplane's - White Rabbit now. *sigh*

Wake Up! Grab a Brush and Put on a Little Makeup!

I'm so sleepy - I could fall asleep RIGHT now if I wanted to. Well I do want to, I more mean, I would fall asleep right now if no one would notice that I was sleeping under my desk. I don't know what it is, maybe still the medication or something that is causing this overwhelming need to sleep, but it's killing me. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, I look like I'm stoned all the time. My eyes are half closed and half focused, and want to just roll back and close all together, I want that too. Right now I'm typing with my eyes closed because it feel so good. Anyhow, it sucks. It makes it hard to get work done. Oh and the BF is still laid off...ya it's been 2 and half months. BRUTAL.

Sky Rockets In Flight...Afternoon Delight

RATED R : Explicit Content, Possible Offensive Language, Not Appropriate for my Mother...or Sister (she's too pure)

I'm just going to go ahead and get it over with...S.E.X....sex, specifically that which occurs in the summer...there, that's what this whole post is about, so avert your eyes if reading that word makes you, a) uncomfortable, b) light headed, or c) nauseous. If it doesn't...lucky you, you get to hear about my sex life and my random suggestion for yours, I can tell you're excited - I would be if I were you,  reading a random blog making suggestions for my sex life, so excitement is totally natural.

Anyhow, moving on...

Spontaneity, it's good for any relationship, and summer always offers SO many more opportunities for it, for both sexual and non-sexual activities, however I'm speaking specifically of activities of a sexual nature. I don't know if it's the heat or the lack of huge sweaters and long pants, or what, that gets the hormones raging, but summer sex is oh so different from winter sex. Not that I'm complaining about sex in the other seasons, but there's something exciting and thrilling about it in the summer. It's different, and each year I forget how great it is until the summer comes and we get to enjoy it all over again.

Now I'm not exhibitionist by any means. Not like the couple I once saw parked on the front row of a drive in movie, RIGHT in front of a light, so their whole car was illuminated for all to see. That shits just too crazy for me. But since the warm weather has come the BF and I have taken advantage of the hot nights, and the deserted roads etc. And let me tell you, if you want to ignite some passion in your relationship, take a drive and let your hormones take over. It's good for your relationship and as far as I'm concerned, good for the soul.

I would suggest to all couples out there, if you want a good time with your "other half", to drop the kids off  to play with their grandparents or something, and take a drive as a couple. Call it "team building" or whatever you'd like, but theres nothing like pretending your 17 (not that I was doing anything like this at 17 Mom, if you're still reading this) and cramming yourselves into the back of a car. Just don't park in front of a large group of people in direct lighting...no one needs to see that. Believe me, it's not as hot as you might think it is.

Kumbaya...

Someone was killed...murdered...beaten to death, less than 200 feet from me while I was sleeping. oh.my.god.

We went camping this past weekend (a long holiday weekend in Canada) with a bunch of friends. The place we went has a reputation for out of control partying. The BF has gone sans me the last 2 years because he had heard the rumors and was worried about my safety. Nothing happened those two years, he came home telling me that it was just like any other camping trip, albeit a little crazier, with lots of dirt bikes, quads and field cars, but as long as I didn't do anything stupid "like stand in the middle of the street with cars coming" than I should be fine, so this year we decided to go together.

He watched me like a hawk, a hawk that I didn't see and had no idea was watching me...so maybe a more accurate description would be: he watched me like a crazed stalker hiding in the bushes. At one point my girlfriend and I got in the back of a pick up truck that was going to go through the mud pits and out of no where I hear the BF's booming voice "Why the hell would you get in the back of a pick up without a tail gate?" yelling at us from atop a pile of rocks across the field. The guy in the front of the truck that we didn't know turned around saying, "so that must be one of your boyfriends". Ahem, yup. What can I say, he loves me...or doesn't want to explain to my parents why I'm broken when we return. Either way.

Anyhow, the rumors of this place seemed extremely embelished, it really was like any other camping trip except for the field cars etc. which honestly, made the days less boring. So I was all prepared to come home to all of the skeptics and those who thought I was crazy for going, and show them I am still in one piece and there is no need to be concerned or worry. That is until someone got beaten to death. Seriously, to death, at the campsite next to us.

The BF and I were sleeping at the time so we didn't hear anything happen. I woke up at about 4 or 5 in the morning because the BFs a jerk and stole my blanket so I went to my car to get another one. I came out of the trailer to see an ambulance, a girl crying, and another guy freaking out. I grabbed my blanket and when I was going back to the trailer I stopped to talk to a couple of my friends that were still awake and told them to go check out what's going on, because I'm terribly nosey, but wanted to go back to sleep.

We found out a couple hours later that the guy had died from internal injuries and there were police EVERYWHERE. I've never seen a real crime scene before, it was crazy. The whole end of the street we were on was police taped off, there were cops and investigators everywhere and no one was allowed to leave or enter the campground. We were on lock down. I was on lock down. Because of a murder. I couldn't comprehend it. I still can't. This guy, who was in his mid-twenties, is dead. He went away for the weekend with his friends, and his family will never see him again. So insanely tragic. My friend Ryan saw it happen. He said it started and ended so quickly there wasn't really anytime to react. I'm still in shock, and feel terrible for the poor guys family and friends. The four guys that beat him were all found and arrested. We're not sure what the motive was, but I can't think of any reason for four guys to beat one guy until he dies. Ridicules.

Take Me Down to the Paradise City...

I need a change.
I'm feeling really antsy.
I think a lot of it stems from my job. I try to remind myself that I'm lucky to have a job in the first place, but spending the majority of my day, and the largest portion of my week at a place that is so terribly unfulfilling is crippling my spirit. My spirit needs crutches, I've placed an order for a wheelchair...seriously, you guys, my fucking spirit is limping, hardcore...it's going to be bed ridden soon, I can sense it!

So this is what I'm doing in hopes of lifting my spirits, (aside from the crutches and wheelchair solution):

Photography - My Dad is f'in fantastic! I asked him a couple weeks ago if he still had the old film camera he had when I was a kid, and if I could have it. He spent hours searching through boxes and found it for me. Along with some lens covers, a long super fun looking lens, a carrying case, a camera case, and all sorts of other little wonderful extras. I'm sure you can clearly gather from my expert camera lingo that I could show you a thing or two about photography...seriously, that's all i could show you. I grew up using a point and shoot. I have no idea what the hell all the little dials and numbers mean...camera gods...this is your shout out, HELP ME! The BF and I have played around with it and he has taught me a couple things, but I really don't have a clue what I'm doing, but at least it's fun and is giving me something to play with and explore.
Side Note: If anyone has expired film they don't want, and are just planning on throwing away, I'll take it off your hands, I love the effect that expired film gives photos, at least from the ones that I've seen.

Projects - The BF and I decided to refinish our coffee table. It's a HUMONGOUS son of a b*tch that his Mom has had for something like 28 years. We sanded it all down, and stained it this really dark brown and black colour, it looks awesome if I do say so myself (which I do, because this is my blog bitches, so you have to take my word for it!!). We then put a couple layers of a varnish on it to make it really shiny. It took us a couple days to do it because we fucked up a couple times...each. I'm not gunna lie, i think his mom might have died a little inside when she saw it, and his dad probably died a little inside when he saw the spots of stain we left all over his immaculate grass in the backyard from knocking the can over...better the grass then the patio, which is where we started though...so really, he should be happy!

- I'm not really sure why I put an "s" on projects because that's really the only project we have, i have no other projects lined up (which is totally bumming out my spirit again). Do you have a project you want the BF and I to complete? I can't promise we'll be sober when we do it, or that it will turn out anything like you envision...but we're free, and fucking awesome! 

If you have any other spirit lifting, fixing, beautifying, etc. idea...spread the wealth! I'm totally game for any ideas!

These Boots Were Made For Walkin', And That's Just What They'll Do...

The BF suggested yesterday we go for a walk everyday. You guys! You have no idea what a surprisingly awesome suggestion this is!! The BF has a physical job so usually when he gets home he's sore and achy and I can't blame him (and if your significant other is like this, you know suggesting a nice walk is usually shot down with a "I walk allllll day!" response), but I sit still...all day, for 8 hours a day, NOT MOVING! UGHHHH! It's terrible, so I crave some kind of exercise after work (that is when I'm not exhausted, which is pretty much all the time, but mentally I want to exercise, really!).

Anyhow we usually go for a drive every night. We drive around listening to music etc. enjoying each other, the songs, and the scenery. We both love going for drives through the country side (plus he just bought a new car, so he loves it EXTRA much). Well last night while we were driving around he suggested we start finding nice places to park the car and go for a walk... and while we're doing that I can take pictures. Yippee!! We're not hikers, we are barely walkers, but I'm excited at the prospect of possibly being a little healthier, and exploring photography more. Especially with the BF's support...and not just his support, but at his suggestion! WooO-to-the-muther-fuckin-WhOOooO!

It's my boooddyyy and I'll cry wolf if I want to

I'm a worrier, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I was never able to put my finger on it before, never able to understand why I was always in a slight state of panic, but all it took was for someone to look me in the eye and say "it's ok, you're just a worrier" for me to now be able to say it to myself. It doesn't stop the worrying, but it makes it easier to deal with because I can calm myself down by reminding myself "hey, crazy, you're just a psycho worrier, chill the fuck out!" and surprisingly...it works!

I remember once someone telling me I'm a hypochondriac, and being really offended. "Ummm, no I'm not...I've had a headache for A WEEK...hear me...A WHOLE MUTHER F'IN WEEK....I MUST HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR! That's the only explanation!!!" I'm still kinda offended, but I understand where they're coming from...I also understand where I'm coming from though, so they can suck it.

The BF is either the biggest whiner in the world, or his body is falling apart. I'm betting on falling apart since his knees are shot and I massage them nightly, he has a weird bone chip or something floating in his lower back causing pain, and his side/stomach has been aching for like 4 or 5 days. Yesterday he was sitting there holding his side because it was killing him and looked at me and said "I think I have stomach cancer..." (that's why I love him...he knows how to get a reaction). So when he said this I guess my face showed it all, my eyes got big and I got the worried look on my face, and he just burst out laughing, because clearly he doesn't have stomach cancer...but seriously...people with stomach cancer have to figure it out somehow, and it's likely that their stomach's hurt...right!? So it's not so far fetched now IS IT?

“Drugs Drugs Drugs…Which are Good? Which are Bad?

Drugs Drugs Drugs, Ask Your Mom or Ask Your Dad!”

(Another 80’s commercial flashback coming atch'ya!...perhaps I watched too much TV as a child?)

When I searched for a picture of the commercial on Google this is what came up, but I think this was from the commercial that went "don't you put it in your mouth, don't you stuff it in your face, though it might look good to eat, though it might look good to taste, you could get sick, real quick" (if my memory serves me correctly). The message was lost on me as a kid as I was WAY too busy singing and dancing around to actually pay attention, but at least it was catchy enough I remember it 20 years later!
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Does anyone remember the log driver song?

“For He Goes Burling Down and Down White Water, That’s Where the Log Driver Learned to Step Lightly?”

The BF and I sing this probably way to much, and recently pulled it up on my iphone after a long discussion about it. 80’s children are FANTASTIC! Or at least our informative commercials and cartoons are!!

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Or what about, conjunction junction, what’s your function?
                        

Goodness gracious the 80’s were a good time, kids these days are missing out!!

Anyhow, the initial point of this post (before I got distracted by awesomeness) was, I’m starting anti-anxiety medication today…woo? Not sure how I feel about it yet. I’m hoping to see good results because things have been barely bearable lately, and I’m ready to give off some positive vibes again (the vibes have been less that stellar lately, and for that friends and strangers alike, I’m sorry). Anyhow, for those of you who know me, or have read previous posts, I have both anxiety and depression, and I’ve decided it’s time to control it, because seriously, 20 (memorable) years of dealing with it has been WAY too long! Wish me luck…or at least be jealous of my super cool childhood commercial memories!

“So Keep Fit and Have Fun”… “BODYBREAK” (with Hal Johnson and Joanne McCloud) – come on… I had to throw that one in there too!

(Those of you not from Canada or if you have never experienced the awesomeness that are these commercials, I feel sorry for you!)

I Feel Like Pizza Tonight, Like Pizza Tonight!!

Come On!! Remember the old "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight" commercial?

Anyhow:

I love pizza...I love it, I love it, I love it!

I'm not sure I'm accurately expressing my love and desire for it....it's obscene and perverse. I would eat it ALWAYS AND FOREVER. It's ridicules! It would be accurate to assume I am eating pizza at any given time...or at least 3-4 times a week, which seriously...is A LOT of pizza.

I once left a bar with a friend of mine (in the middle of having a great time) because we started talking about pizza (her love for pizza is in direct competition with my own) and walked all around town looking for a pizza place. We then (as a couple of less than sober girls) asked the pizza delivery man if he could "deliver" the pizza to our house, with us tagging along for the ride. THAT'S RIGHT, the Captain Morgans Rum commercial where they pull that stunt, was definitely based off of us, because we totally did that WAY before that commercial ever came out. Seriously, the driver went for it and gave us a ride home with our pizza!! It was AMAZING in such a way that only two intoxicated university aged girls could understand! (Well that's a lie, I would be over the moon if it happened again tomorrow...so either, it is just seriously awesome, or I'm still a university aged drunk girl at heart...either way).

P.S. I'm eating pizza right now...and I ate some yesterday...it's only Tuesday.

UPDATE: I also ate pizza thursday night...you're jealous arn't you!? I'm pretty sure I have pizza sauce pumping through my vains...seriously!

Dayyyydreeeeamer (should be read to the tune of "dreamweaver")

I live in a fantasy world…like 60 – 70% of the time…sounds cool right? Wrong-o.

What a let down it is. Or maybe it’s me? Maybe I should be ramping this fantasy world up! It’s my fantasy world, right? I have ultimate control, muahaha! But alas, still sucks. Why you ask? (Or maybe you didn’t but I’m going to assume you’re not a total dick, and you’re playing along.)

It sucks because:

a) you miss A LOT when you’re constantly day dreaming and not paying attention, like half of all conversations, and then you end up throwing your two cents in, like yelling out of nowhere “Oh I loved him” (thinking you heard Arsenio Hall) when the conversation was about “our city hall”...not the same thing.

b) You spend a lot of time wishing magic was real, and then cursing the world because it’s not.

c) You spend so much time inside your own head that you can convince yourself of pretty much anything, like no will notice if I fall asleep at my desk if I lean over papers and make it look like I’m reading…

d) You get let down A LOT because you’ve already considered the perfect outcome in your head, and made a plan (that you often don’t inform others of) because you’ve had endless amounts of time to think about whatever situation or topic is at hand. – Also, the biggest cause of disappointment is an unrealized expectation…yup, I need to stop devising awesome things in my head and then not telling people, because when they don’t think of the same awesome plan and decide instead to do something else, I end up disappointed, one of many anxiety inducing situations.

e) Way too much time to drive yourself c-c-c-crazy!

(Oh did I mention that I work in a secluded space and I only get to see the people walking through my office or picking something up from me. Incredible lack of socialization in my position and I think “I am slowly going crazy 1,2,3,4,5,6 switch, crazy slowly going am I 6,5,4,3,2,1, switch”.)

Let's Get Digital, Digital…

The BF loves him some video games, and being the steller GF that I am, I chill out with him while he plays.

These games are usually filled with endless amounts of sexy (not at all realistic) pretty much naked ladies in abundance. So I love when there is a sexy leading man in a video game, because believe you me, I don’t hesitate to discuss his sexiness. I have to hear about hot girls all the time, it’s only fair that I discuss the hot guys (even though they’re computer animated).

Anyhow, Nathan Drake from “Drake’s Fortune” is a total hottie…a digital hottie, but a hottie none the less. I watched that game from start to finish like it was a movie.

Does it make me seriously weird that I think a video game character is hot? Probably, but if you’ve seen some of these characters you’d think the same thing. And the women...oh the women..They pretty much all weigh approx. 110 pounds, 15 of those pounds being their HUGNORMOUS GIAGANTIC boobs, I would put money on the fact that most men think video game characters are hot too.

Oh GAWD, does this whole thing mean that I’m thinking way too much like men? That I can’t just see a video game as a video game? Am I spending WAY too much time around males?…is this is a serious problem?

“Let’s Party Like It’s 1999”…(that’s right, I totally quoted a Prince song)

Seriously, remember when…waaay back when, you were with someone and they were actually fully “with you” like body AND mind, instead of having their head buried in their phone?

I admit, I totally do it too. The constant connection is hard to break. I’m also guilty of getting frustrated if someone doesn’t answer their cell, or respond to a text in a timely fashion.

But when did we loose our manners and social graces?

We can be out with a group of 15 people and each person will have their cell on the table in front of them, at any moment grabbing it to respond to a call or a text, forgetting what they were saying or who was talking to them, letting the present conversation trail off. When did that become ok? And ohhhh so common?

Or the BF and I will be in the car talking and his phone will ring and he’ll answer it, engaging in a full conversation, umm hello? Did you forget we were JUST talking? There have even been times where it’s gone off at the MOST inopportune (wink wink, nudge nudge) time for the BF and I, and he’ll look at it like… “shit, what do I do?”. Obviously he knows he’ll get a shot to the nards if he answers it, so it just goes on ringing. But when and why did our cell phones become such an intrinsic part of us?

I don’t really have an answer to these questions, but I’ll bet that it’s not going to change any time soon. Let’s party like it’s 1999, with no cell phones (well not in the capacity they are today), and totally be present while we’re in the company of others…seems reasonable right?

I think I’m going to have a “no cell phone” party and see how everyone handles the lack of electronic communication and forced human to human contact…muahaha.

Dream Cheating…"What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!!"

Dream cheating sucks, and I’m speaking specifically of the ‘BF cheating on me in my dreams’ variety. That crappy, anxious feeling, always lasts and kind of stays in the back of my mind for the day. And seriously, I don’t need to add to the list of things that cause anxiety, that list is pretty stacked as it is.

I don’t know why it effects me so much, maybe because I’ve always kind of secretly thought that I have a 6th sense, and that my dreams are indications of things to come…so clearly, dreaming that you’re boyfriend is cheating on you sucks when you think it’s your brain telling you the truth.

I guess if I want to believe I have this “power” though, then I should NEVER go hiking near the Harvard University campus, because there is likely a crazy murderer dressed in a full body bear skin waiting to kill my dog and then chase the BF and I to Cuba to try and kill us, because that’s the other dream I had…and it’s TOTALLY plausible, right?

Or maybe I should just chill the fuck out and realize that “hiking near Harvard” is a TOTAL joke…the BF and I don’t hike, we sometimes walk, but that’s the extent of it…so maybe I don’t have a special power…crappy… but it totally solves the dream cheating anxiety issue.

Back to Reality, Oops There Goes Gravity

I am convinced there is nothing worse than getting up and going into work on Monday mornings. I mean sure…swimming in shark infested water seems WAY worse, but I will never put myself in that position, so I don’t really count it on my list of worse things EVER. Does believing that “getting up for work on Monday is the worse thing ever” make me over dramatic? Perhaps, but I’m sticking to my guns on this one.

I reeeeeaaallly hate it.

And believe me, I am well aware of the strength of the word “hate”. I told my Aunt when I was 4 that I hated her, and believe you me, she set me straight on the meaning and strength of that word. She set me SO straight that I got worked up, started crying and puked all over her feet, so when I say that I hate something…I’m very serious. I don’t need to get that lecture again, my stomach seriously can’t handle it.

Oh wait…a small adjustment to my statement: “There is nothing worse than getting up and going to work on Monday mornings”…”When the BF is laid off, and still sleeping in our big comfy bed”…THAT is the WORST!

Since he is a tradesman, he is in and out of work throughout the year, especially in the last couple years with the economy being so crappy. They’re (the union he’s in) predicting he will be off work for a month this time around, which I guess could be worse, BUT that means an ENTIRE month of waking up and going to work while he sleeps all snuggled down in our bed, while I want nothing more than to find a big blow horn to wake him up with…so that I can kiss him goodbye, that’s the only reason I want to wake him. I think it’s totally fair that I get the satisfaction of waking him up in a loud and abrupt fashion, because, whatever, he gets to go back to sleep, and I DON’T…I have to go to the godforsaken place that pays (barely) my bills.

LAME!

You’ve got a friend in me…except you, because you’re a pirate hooker

Girls Code – it exists. We always hear about “guys code” this and “guys code” that, but seriously, there is a “girls code” too, which most girls follow. It is the not following of this “girls code” that creates problems between females, just as it does between males, however girls are way more dramatic about it, and less likely to resolve things with a punch to the face…we’ll just talk shit about you behind your back, which is TOTALLY the mature thing to do. But come on…follow the fucking code.

If you want to maintain a friendship with the female half of a heterosexual couple, these are some of things that will surely piss her off, so I would suggest avoiding them.

• 
  
  Do NOT spend your summer days hanging out at an unavailable male’s house by his pool in your bikini while his girlfriend/wife is at work all day, this will surely piss her off. That is unless you are with a group of people…but one-on-one is TOTALLY uncalled for.

• 
  
   Do NOT ask an unavailable male to do “boyfriend/husband-y” things for you, like put fuel injector cleaner in your car, unless he is a mechanic, and you’re a fucking idiot. Read the bottle, the instructions are clear; a monkey could figure it out. ALSO, do not do this on a regular bases. This boy is NOT your boyfriend/husband, and it will surely start to piss his girlfriend/wife off if you’re constantly asking him to do little things for you. Particularly because most boyfriend/husbands have stopped doing these little things for their girlfriend/wives ages ago.

• 
  
  Do NOT wear mini skirts, super low cut tops, anything SUPER revealing and then dance on tables in front of a bunch of unavailable males. That is essentially was a stripper does, and if that’s not the reputation you want, do NOT do this. Easy right? Go ahead a do it in front of a group of single males, but don’t whine when they try to hit on you, and put on a big show about how you’re always being hit on. It’s your own damn fault.

• 
  
  Absolutely under no circumstances should you cause issues/arguing between a couple. Do NOT stir the pot. That is a sure fire way to have the female not want you around.

• 
  
  Do NOT purposely spend time with an unavailable male when he and his significant other are fighting and you are aware of it. Put yourself in her position for a second, not cool.

• 
  
  And NEVER tell a girl that her boyfriend/husband was interested in you first, that is unless all parties are aware of it. Otherwise you’re just being a bitch.

Honestly, these should not need to be listed, it should be common fucking sense.

If you don’t want the reputation of slut, don’t act like one, and if you want to maintain your female friendships, be respectful of their romantic relationships.

Simple as that.