An Ode to My Panda / Why You're Awesome

You wrote me a friendship love letter, the best friendship love letter EVER!

Believe it or not (but you should totally believe me because I'm a pretty honest person, and I don't get down on the whole lying scene) I had planned this post yesterday as I was driving home from work (because paying attention to the road is SO overrated) before I even knew about the friendship love letter you wrote me.

You're so damn awesome that you totally deserve the appropriate shout out.

You're the type of friend that anyone would be insanely lucky to have, and i appreciate and love the profound effect you have on my life. Without getting too mushy or lame (which is totally on par with the thoughts I had while reading your letter) I want you to understand how much your friendship means to me. I wouldn't mentally be where I am today without your help, guidance, laughs, and random conversations. You keep me from going insane on a daily bases.

You're one of the greatest people I've ever known, and that is not an exaggeration, you seriously seriously are.

Your daughters are lucky to have a mother like you, their beautiful genuine spirits are a true reflection of you. I hope you have an amazing mothers day, you truly deserve it.

Thank you for being such a wonderful friend and presence in my life.

Concentration? Wha? No idea what that is...

UGH! I can not concentrate on ANYTHING right now, and it's driving me f'ing banana's!!

Anxiety is a bitch.

I actually knew what I was going to write 30 seconds ago, but then I got distracted thinking of a title and I forgot what I was going to write...seriously, I am not kidding. Thinking of a title regarding my ridicules inability to concentrate, ruined my concentration. Blast!

I have some work that I need to finish - can't concentrate

A very close girlfriend's grandmother is ill and my heart is breaking for her. I remember loosing my grandmother and the scar is still fresh. That was 8 years ago. I want to make it better for her, but I don't know how.

I want to take a shower, and a nap.

I wish I could remember what I wanted to write about.

I started that anti-anxiety medication on Sunday and I cannot wait for it to start doing something. If it works I may have a chance at a life I didn't know existed, free of constant ruminating, and the nauseous feeling that haunts me. I'm so excited at the prospect it offers that for the last 3 days I've been excited to take the medication, like counting down the hours until the time I can take it (that is NEVER the case for me. Up until I moved away to University my mom taped my medication for IBS to my lunch EVERYDAY so I wouldn't forget to take it. When I moved away I forgot...everyday). I hope I'm not disappointed by the results.

I Feel Like Pizza Tonight, Like Pizza Tonight!!

Come On!! Remember the old "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight" commercial?

Anyhow:

I love pizza...I love it, I love it, I love it!

I'm not sure I'm accurately expressing my love and desire for it....it's obscene and perverse. I would eat it ALWAYS AND FOREVER. It's ridicules! It would be accurate to assume I am eating pizza at any given time...or at least 3-4 times a week, which seriously...is A LOT of pizza.

I once left a bar with a friend of mine (in the middle of having a great time) because we started talking about pizza (her love for pizza is in direct competition with my own) and walked all around town looking for a pizza place. We then (as a couple of less than sober girls) asked the pizza delivery man if he could "deliver" the pizza to our house, with us tagging along for the ride. THAT'S RIGHT, the Captain Morgans Rum commercial where they pull that stunt, was definitely based off of us, because we totally did that WAY before that commercial ever came out. Seriously, the driver went for it and gave us a ride home with our pizza!! It was AMAZING in such a way that only two intoxicated university aged girls could understand! (Well that's a lie, I would be over the moon if it happened again tomorrow...so either, it is just seriously awesome, or I'm still a university aged drunk girl at heart...either way).

P.S. I'm eating pizza right now...and I ate some yesterday...it's only Tuesday.

UPDATE: I also ate pizza thursday night...you're jealous arn't you!? I'm pretty sure I have pizza sauce pumping through my vains...seriously!

Shake On It...Spit Shake, Cause That's How We Roll

Disclaimer: I say things like, "Ugh I want to hang myself", "plllleeeease shoot me now!!", and "F*ck, I want to kill myself" on a FAR too regular bases, just as forms of expression. Dramatic? FOR SURE! I don't mean them (pretty much ever), it's just a habit, but I know for some people, it's a reality.

I have a friend who is having a hard time right now with their mental health, and is feeling pretty low. They're at the point where they've recieved help and others have interviened for their safety and well being. It's been a process, but things are starting to look better and I have all of the confidance in the world that they will flurish and make a full recovery.

Anyhow, today we were chating online and I made one of my (perhaps offside, but so typically me comments) about finally NOT wanting to hang myself at work today, and they replied back with a "don't hang yourself , too painful, take pills". Funny? In a serisouly dark way, perhaps, but because of the their state of mind I had to respond with something! So an "Anti-suicide" pact it was. I won't do it, if you don't do it. And then I made them "virtual" spit shake on it, so to show I mean business. No suicides around these parts, not on my watch.

So friend...if you're reading this, I'm serious...I don't spit, EVER, especially not on my hand (even if it was just virtual)...so I'm serious...anti-suicide pact fo life! You're stickin it out, don't care, I said so! AND YOU VIRTUAL SPIT SHOOK ON IT!

Why You're Awesome

You make me to dance ALL night with you, while you grab anyone and everyone around saying "Isn't she just the best dancer? If I could move like anyone I would want to move like her", without a hint of sarcasm. And that I "should go on 'So You Think You Can Dance'", because I "could totally win".

Also...Your imitation of  "the mandolin dance" is pretty damn awesome!

Disclaimer: I am in no way a "dancer". I just indulge in the good ol' alcoholic beverages now and then (more now than then) and bust a move or two. These "moves" may or may not include alot of shoulder movement to the beat, the funky chicken, running man, hand to knee criss cross action, and some wiggles for good measure.

Buddy, I love ya, but you're the reason crappy singers and dancers go on reality tv...they have an awesome friend who thinks they're the bomb!

You’ve got a friend in me…except you, because you’re a pirate hooker

Girls Code – it exists. We always hear about “guys code” this and “guys code” that, but seriously, there is a “girls code” too, which most girls follow. It is the not following of this “girls code” that creates problems between females, just as it does between males, however girls are way more dramatic about it, and less likely to resolve things with a punch to the face…we’ll just talk shit about you behind your back, which is TOTALLY the mature thing to do. But come on…follow the fucking code.

If you want to maintain a friendship with the female half of a heterosexual couple, these are some of things that will surely piss her off, so I would suggest avoiding them.

• 
  
  Do NOT spend your summer days hanging out at an unavailable male’s house by his pool in your bikini while his girlfriend/wife is at work all day, this will surely piss her off. That is unless you are with a group of people…but one-on-one is TOTALLY uncalled for.

• 
  
   Do NOT ask an unavailable male to do “boyfriend/husband-y” things for you, like put fuel injector cleaner in your car, unless he is a mechanic, and you’re a fucking idiot. Read the bottle, the instructions are clear; a monkey could figure it out. ALSO, do not do this on a regular bases. This boy is NOT your boyfriend/husband, and it will surely start to piss his girlfriend/wife off if you’re constantly asking him to do little things for you. Particularly because most boyfriend/husbands have stopped doing these little things for their girlfriend/wives ages ago.

• 
  
  Do NOT wear mini skirts, super low cut tops, anything SUPER revealing and then dance on tables in front of a bunch of unavailable males. That is essentially was a stripper does, and if that’s not the reputation you want, do NOT do this. Easy right? Go ahead a do it in front of a group of single males, but don’t whine when they try to hit on you, and put on a big show about how you’re always being hit on. It’s your own damn fault.

• 
  
  Absolutely under no circumstances should you cause issues/arguing between a couple. Do NOT stir the pot. That is a sure fire way to have the female not want you around.

• 
  
  Do NOT purposely spend time with an unavailable male when he and his significant other are fighting and you are aware of it. Put yourself in her position for a second, not cool.

• 
  
  And NEVER tell a girl that her boyfriend/husband was interested in you first, that is unless all parties are aware of it. Otherwise you’re just being a bitch.

Honestly, these should not need to be listed, it should be common fucking sense.

If you don’t want the reputation of slut, don’t act like one, and if you want to maintain your female friendships, be respectful of their romantic relationships.

Simple as that.