I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always

Loosing someone you love is never easy. I wouldn't wish the loss of a loved one on my worst enemy, but the sad and unfortunate reality is that death is part of life...children loose parents, grandchildren loose grandparents, parents loose children, siblings loose siblings, friends loose friends, and no matter how many times you've been through the heartache of loss, it never becomes something easily dealt with.

To one of my most dearest friends: My heart aches at the pain you're feeling. Nothing I or anyone else can say or do will make the pain and sadness go away, but you're strong, and you will persevere. I have never had the opportunity to meet your Nan, but from the stories you tell, and those members of your family that I've met, I can tell she is a wonderful woman, and raised a beautiful, kind family. Your family is her legacy, and one I can imagine she is proud of.

Eight years ago I lost my Grandmother, my Grams, and the pain, though no longer as prominant or consuming, never really leaves. Your Nan will live forever in your memories, and those of your aunts, uncles, cousins, your children and theirs. Although your girls are young, and your youngest will likely not have lasting memories, your oldest probably will, and she'll hold onto the memories she made at the cottage forever. Memories that would never have been possible without your Nan.

My Grams has been consuming my thoughts lately, either she's haunting me, which she would totally do, or all these thoughts about what you're going through has been reminding me of what my family went through with my grandmother. So in the spirit of remembering, and not letting memories be forgotten, here are some of my favorite Grandma memories:

She had a pole at the end of her driveway and would, without fail, yell as you're pulling away "mind the pole", even to my Mom, who had lived there her whole life. My siblings and I teased her mercilessly about it.

"Did you eat?" "Did your friend eat?" "Did you ask your friend if they were hungry?" "Did you see the donuts on the counter?" - My Grandma would and could feed a small army on any given day. Although her other favorite quote was in answer to the question "What's for dinner?", her response being (every time) "dry bread and pull it."

If you pissed her off, or miss behaved: "I'm going to string you up by your toenails and whip you with a wet noodle"

In reference to the make up I started wearing MUCH too early, and MUCH too much of "clean off that war paint"

Her nickname for my little brother, because he had a speech impediment that made him sound like he had an accent "...you little Dutchman". Sounds meaner in theory than it was in practice. She didn't have a mean bone in her body.

When bringing food from the kitchen into the dining room she would yell "coming around the corner!", so that no one would bump into her.

"pull up those pants, I can see your knickers" - self explanatory

And maybe one of the funniest things about her: the 10 pm. phone calls my mom had to make each night to wake her up in time to watch Cops and Jerry Springer.

This past February I got a tattoo in memory of my Grandparents that I have lost:

3 Lily's - each in different stages of blossom to represent the three generations, Lily's because they are both my Grandmas and my favorite flower, and the words I'll Love You Forever, because I will, and because my parents read that story and said that line a millions times to us when we were kids.

This Shit's Wack

"The Throne" - "The Shitter" - "The John" - "The Water Closet" - " The Poop Box" - "The Lou" - or most commonly... "The Toilet". It's the "man's" domain, or so it's always been perceived. People leave fishing, golfing, and maxim, etc. magazines lying around for the men who use the washroom. The jokes are always about how long men take to...well shit. And since women "aren't supposed" to shit, or since it's not ok to talk or joke about it the way men do, women rush in and rush out of the washrooms so no one thinks they're "taking a number 2", at least most women I know.

Well fuck that. I don't want my bathroom usage inspected or critiqued, the thing is, I get distracted when I'm in the bathroom. I like reading magazines, fixing my hair, going through my phone etc, and I hate that if I take longer than the allotted time for a "female washroom break" there are assumptions made about what I'm doing in there.

When I was in University I spent allot of time in a house that was lived in and maintained by all boys. They always had maxims and other cool books and stuff laying around in their bathrooms, and I always got distracted and started reading them. Sometimes I would leave the bathroom with the magazine and go sit down somewhere to finish reading an article so I didn't spend too much time in the bathroom, for fear of comments, jokes etc.

But it's time to rise up and say "bullshit". If I want to sit in the bathroom and read a magazine article, or look through my phone, or read a novel, no one should judge me, and I hate that I even change my behaviour based off of the judgements of others.

Today I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom. I had 2 MSN conversations, 2 text message conversations and a message on facebook to attend to. And that "shit" (pardon the pun) takes time. So I sat in the bathroom and did all the typing on my phone I wanted, and didn't care who noticed the length of time I was missing. I don't need to explain what I'm doing in there, it's no one else's damn business!

Rant complete

The Blondeness of my Brain

I'm infamous (if one can be infamous within their immediate family) for making overtly "blond" comments. My family gets a huge kick out of it, so I thought I would share some gems:

My only request is that you don't judge me...although I would totally judge me if I were you, so I guess I can't blame you...this shits embarrassing!

Move-y Around-y - as in: "Geez your dog is really move-y around-y" - ya... there's no excuse for this, although the BF uses it now, which is pretty awesome. "UGH, we are being way too move-y around-y, my hangover is killing me."

Asian-y - as in: "This spicy Asian chicken is extra Asian-y today"

Bony-fur - as in: "Wow this dog is really bony-fur" ... ya that one is beyond me. I think I was trying to say he was really bony with no fat on him, only a layer of fur on top of the bones... It's embarrassing!

The blondness of my brain - as in: "Hey guys, wanna hear the blondness of my brain?"...translation: I knew I was about to make a blond comment, so I was forewarning them...I didn't even get to make the comment because they were too busy laughing.

Deck the halls - this doesn't seem weird at all, except it was said in the middle of the summer in reference to the way someone "decorated" their car. - as in: "DECK THE HALLS!!" While pointing at a ridiculously painted vehicle. - Don't even ask...

I said something to the BF when we were out for dinner once that was just ridicules, what it was I said has totally escaped me now but his reaction was priceless. He stopped what he was doing, stared at me and said "I swear sometimes I think you're an alien." - Ya I say some really stupid shit sometimes.

Those are the only ones I can think of for right now, too bad my brother or my dad wasn't here though, they like to quote me regularly.

“Drugs Drugs Drugs…Which are Good? Which are Bad?

Drugs Drugs Drugs, Ask Your Mom or Ask Your Dad!”

(Another 80’s commercial flashback coming atch'ya!...perhaps I watched too much TV as a child?)

When I searched for a picture of the commercial on Google this is what came up, but I think this was from the commercial that went "don't you put it in your mouth, don't you stuff it in your face, though it might look good to eat, though it might look good to taste, you could get sick, real quick" (if my memory serves me correctly). The message was lost on me as a kid as I was WAY too busy singing and dancing around to actually pay attention, but at least it was catchy enough I remember it 20 years later!
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Does anyone remember the log driver song?

“For He Goes Burling Down and Down White Water, That’s Where the Log Driver Learned to Step Lightly?”

The BF and I sing this probably way to much, and recently pulled it up on my iphone after a long discussion about it. 80’s children are FANTASTIC! Or at least our informative commercials and cartoons are!!

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Or what about, conjunction junction, what’s your function?
                        

Goodness gracious the 80’s were a good time, kids these days are missing out!!

Anyhow, the initial point of this post (before I got distracted by awesomeness) was, I’m starting anti-anxiety medication today…woo? Not sure how I feel about it yet. I’m hoping to see good results because things have been barely bearable lately, and I’m ready to give off some positive vibes again (the vibes have been less that stellar lately, and for that friends and strangers alike, I’m sorry). Anyhow, for those of you who know me, or have read previous posts, I have both anxiety and depression, and I’ve decided it’s time to control it, because seriously, 20 (memorable) years of dealing with it has been WAY too long! Wish me luck…or at least be jealous of my super cool childhood commercial memories!

“So Keep Fit and Have Fun”… “BODYBREAK” (with Hal Johnson and Joanne McCloud) – come on… I had to throw that one in there too!

(Those of you not from Canada or if you have never experienced the awesomeness that are these commercials, I feel sorry for you!)