Sunday, June 13, 2010

Sunday Confessional

I'm totally doing a "post date and time" for this entry. I'm just hoping it works, because if it does boys and girls, it means that I can write my Sunday confessional on any day of my choosing, which is never a Sunday...or a Saturday for that matter, and it will appear magically (that's right, this shits magic as far as I'm concerned, something needs to be!) on Sunday! Woo!

Anyhow, Sunday Confessional:

I'm Claustrophobic...which among several other things, is the reason I'm not catholic and choose instead to confess on here. Their little tiny boxes that you have to sit in, (which I'm sure stink like the body oder of the guy that was in there before you, likely confessing he has an adversion to cleanliness) makes it hard for me to think straight let alone breath properly. It's also the reason that I avoid taking elevators with other people. I need a plan of attack if the elevator shuts down and I'm stuck in there. Being packed in their like sardines with a bunch of strangers sounds like a nightmare, so as it stands my plan is to lay down in the elevator and force myself to fall asleep (I have an uncanny ability to fall asleep whenever or wherever I want to). See, if I'm sleeping than I won't be freaking out about being confined and about the amount of oxygen I'm using, and what I'm going to do if I need to go pee, etc. But in order to execute this plan, I need to be alone in the elevator, or at max. with one other person. "Why don't you just take the stairs?" you may ask...well dinkwad, the asshole that designed the building I work in, made it so that you can not access the stairs from the lobby, how brutal is that? So I'm stuck taking the elevator regardless. (And for you firefighters out there, you can take the stairs down to the lobby floor, however they exit outside, and you can only open the exit door from the inside stairwell, so you can't enter them from the outside, totally lame). So anyway, the moral of the story is that I'm claustrophobic, as previously addressed, and I'll wait for WAY too long to catch an elevator so that I can take it alone. If you're ever rushing to make an elevator and you see me standing inside, don't be surprised if the doors close in your face, I'm a bitch like that, I need to insure I have laying down space in the event of an elevator break down.

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