Tuesday, March 30, 2010

You’ve got a friend in me…except you, because you’re a pirate hooker

Girls Code – it exists. We always hear about “guys code” this and “guys code” that, but seriously, there is a “girls code” too, which most girls follow. It is the not following of this “girls code” that creates problems between females, just as it does between males, however girls are way more dramatic about it, and less likely to resolve things with a punch to the face…we’ll just talk shit about you behind your back, which is TOTALLY the mature thing to do. But come on…follow the fucking code.

If you want to maintain a friendship with the female half of a heterosexual couple, these are some of things that will surely piss her off, so I would suggest avoiding them.

  • Do NOT spend your summer days hanging out at an unavailable male’s house by his pool in your bikini while his girlfriend/wife is at work all day, this will surely piss her off. That is unless you are with a group of people…but one-on-one is TOTALLY uncalled for.

  •  Do NOT ask an unavailable male to do “boyfriend/husband-y” things for you, like put fuel injector cleaner in your car, unless he is a mechanic, and you’re a fucking idiot. Read the bottle, the instructions are clear; a monkey could figure it out. ALSO, do not do this on a regular bases. This boy is NOT your boyfriend/husband, and it will surely start to piss his girlfriend/wife off if you’re constantly asking him to do little things for you. Particularly because most boyfriend/husbands have stopped doing these little things for their girlfriend/wives ages ago.

  • Do NOT wear mini skirts, super low cut tops, anything SUPER revealing and then dance on tables in front of a bunch of unavailable males. That is essentially was a stripper does, and if that’s not the reputation you want, do NOT do this. Easy right? Go ahead a do it in front of a group of single males, but don’t whine when they try to hit on you, and put on a big show about how you’re always being hit on. It’s your own damn fault.

  • Absolutely under no circumstances should you cause issues/arguing between a couple. Do NOT stir the pot. That is a sure fire way to have the female not want you around.

  • Do NOT purposely spend time with an unavailable male when he and his significant other are fighting and you are aware of it. Put yourself in her position for a second, not cool.

  • And NEVER tell a girl that her boyfriend/husband was interested in you first, that is unless all parties are aware of it. Otherwise you’re just being a bitch.
Honestly, these should not need to be listed, it should be common fucking sense.

If you don’t want the reputation of slut, don’t act like one, and if you want to maintain your female friendships, be respectful of their romantic relationships.

Simple as that.

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