Procrastination Is Like Masterbation...

In The End You're Only Fuckin Yourself.

I should really be working on my "self evaluation", which is VERY lame and also due today...

I would looove to write (the truth):

I'm awesome, and you are privileged to know me, let alone have me grace your office each morning with my rays of internal sunshine, and amazingness. I deserve LOTS more money, and would appreciate it greatly if you would recognize my awesomeness and pay me appropriately...while simultaneously understanding that my presence alone is worth your while, so not to expect anything productive from me.  And then rate myself at the highest level of the scale, because dudes, that's totally what I deserve. I get up before the sun for this place, and for that I think I should also receive "hazard pay" because seriously, it is dangerous not only to myself but to others as well when I wake up so early, and not because I'm driving half asleep, but because I'm TOTALLY not a morning person and I'm liable to rip someones face off if they look at me the wrong way, which is endangering them, and myself because I could totally injure myself in the process of maiming them. So...hazard pay it is.

Unfortunately, their "required format" doesn't allow that response, so I'm stuck with providing specific "examples" of why I'm a valuable employee, blah blah blah, again, totally lame. UGH!