Does this thing come with a manual?

"Shine on you crazy diamond"

2010-10-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

DONE! My second tattoo is done, and I LOVE it!!!! I had written (here) about how much I wanted a second tattoo and what my different ideas were for it. Well I did it, and I went with one of my original ideas, which was to get "shine on you crazy diamond" down the side of my foot. AND it's low enough that if I'm wearing heels it won't show. SO as far as I'm concerned (even though I'm 25 and haven't lived at home in YEARS) it still complies with my Momma's request. SWEET!

I decided to go with these lyrics from the Pink Floyd song titled "Shine on you crazy diamond" to commemorate and as a reminder of the struggle I've gone through throughout my entire life to overcome my depression and anxiety stemming from abuse suffered as a young child.

I'm in love with it! It will serve as a constant reminder to a) keep shining and b) hold my head up high (more metaphorically speaking, since I've been bent over all day staring at it!)

Dreeeeeam, Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream...

2010-10-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

So there's this place. This enchanting, calming, seclusive place where so many wonderful memories exist.

The BF has been going there since he was small. There are pictures his father, his sister, himself and their (deceased) family dog, playing in the surrounding forest atop their fireplace mantle. It is where they buried Sadie, their family dog.

When he and I started (secretly - I'll explain some time) dating, it was the first place he took me. It was in the fall, and was absolutely beautiful. We've gone back at least once a year, every year, since we've been together. It's nostalgic, and yet at the same time a future dream.

You see, this forest has a dilapidated house in it's midst. Although broken down and rotting, you can see how beautiful it would have been, had it ever been finished. The house was never completed. The foundation poured, the exterior walls, and some interior done, and the stairs started. There are cabinets laying around never installed, the flooring was never done, and there are sheets of rotten dry wall laying in piles. We'd never ventured inside until this year. After 4 years of wondering what was in there, four years of dreaming and imagining, we went in and explored. We love it.

Rotting, unfinished and all, we want it. It's our dream. Whenever we go there we imagine what we would do with the property, what it would be like throwing parties (ya we love that shit) and what it would be like raising kids there. It might look run-down and dilapidated to some, but to us it's our dream.

We've tried in the past to find out who owns the property and how we could get in touch with them but to no avail. That is until we ventured into the house and found some helpful information. We've got a lead, and even though I haven't gotten my hopes up too high, it's something. It's more than we've ever had before, and I can't wait to see what happens. Or at least to hear the story, of why this (at one time beautiful) unfinished house, with a rusted old tractor, car and snow mobile outside, was left to rot, and never completed...what happened?

REPOST: Ask the Bloggess's - Suicide is not the answer

2010-10-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

NOTE: This was posted by The Bloggess, at Ask the Bloggess.com

I felt it was excellently executed, beautiful and definitely worth re-posting. I know I regret the minimal bullying I did as a kid, and I hope you read this and it strikes a cord with you.

http://www.askthebloggess.pnn.com/

"Suicide. It's not the answer.

No questions today. Just an answer.

For the fifth time in the last month I've opened my computer to read about another child committing suicide. In all these cases they were young people who were being bullied about their perceived sexual orientation.

If you are anti-gay you can keep reading. I'm not going to yell at you. There's already been too much of that. What I am going to do though is point out that if your child takes your learnings and uses them to bully another child into suicide it will haunt your child forever. They will never be able to escape the fact that their actions helped cause the death of a classmate. It's a horrible guilt to hold onto and one that no parent wants their child to go through. Most parents of bullies have no idea that their child is involved in taunting others. Talk to your children about bullying. Explain that no matter what it's important to not judge others and to stand up for them when you see someone being picked on...even if you don't always agree with everything that person does.

You may think that your child already knows this but my guess is that the parents of the children who taunted these kids into suicide thought their kids knew too and now they have to watch their children being subjected to a huge backlash of people calling for justice against them. They have only to look at the internet to feel the shame of people hating them even though they don't even know them. It's a vicious circle and one we need to stop now. If not for the sake of children victimized by bullying then for the sake of the children who will be haunted by their actions when they get older. Think back. Is there someone that you made fun of when you were a child? I did. I still feel ashamed about it and I wish I could go back and warn myself how I'd feel later when I was grown. But I can't. All I can do is teach my child to not repeat my mistakes and to be compassionate and loving. Talk to your kids. Don't just assume they know what bullying means. Ask what they're seeing in school and how it makes them feel. Get involved and have them dig a little deeper. Please.

Special note for the bullied kids reading this: It does get better. You may feel alone, but you're not. The world is changing, slowly, but for the better. It's a hard fight but one that will make you stronger if you don't let it break you. Right now it's hard to see clearly but there is a world of amazing people out there who have gone through the same thing and came out stronger and more compassionate and who will love you and respect you and cherish your contributions. I'm one of them and I can't wait to meet you. Don't let me down."

"Knocked Down, Beaten, Black and Blue"...Mentally That Is.

2010-10-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

FUCK!

I'm making something happen. Or at least I'm trying to. My therapist will be really impressed when she gets back from holidays. See, I have a hard time "making things happen". I'm scared of failure, I have lack of motivation, and I'm a self destructive. So it usually takes something big for me to jump into action, and then I'm only "in action" for a split second, and if nothing happens, or come from the action of taken, I give up. I wish I was more persistent, and self confidant, but I'm working on it.

Anyhow, here's the "big" thing that happened, that pushed me into action. Well I guess it isn't just one thing, it's more like a series of medium things:

First of all, I'd like to start by saying that I understand that everyone deals with pricks in the work place, and I shouldn't let it get to me, blah blah blah. But I'm a delicate flower...or more realistically, I may treat myself like a piece of shit sometimes, but I'll be damned if someone else thinks they're going to treat me like a piece of shit...only I get that privilege dammit!!

1. I have a turtle neck top...let me reiterate TURTLE NECK, that has a small cut out across my shoulder area on the back. The cut out is below the neck, between the bra straps, and above the bra line. I was told by a co-worker that "I'm giving people the wrong impression" by wearing it. NOTE: This particular co-worker wears low cut bar tops, that show the joining of the two cups of her bra...

(Like this, only it was a turtle neck, and the hole in the back was much smaller)

2. My boss was told by a fellow manager that she thinks that I am overpaid for my job, etc. Let me remind you, that I live in my boyfriend's parents basement, and make under the poverty line. I could in no way sustain myself on my income...and that's too much money?

3. Someone at my workplace bought a stuffed pumpkin to sit in our reception area in fall. Someone unrelated to me, 2 years ago. All I do is put it out each fall as part of the seasonal decorations. I was yelled at, talked down to, and told it looks completely unprofessional and instructed to remove it, by someone who does not have the authority to make those types of requests. Especially since I have no authorization to remove it since I didn't purchase it, and it's been in our office for 2 years. A co-worker that was present during the incident told me to go to HR since the way I was "spoken" to (used loosely since this individual was yelling) was way out of line.

4. I was reprimanded for dressing inappropriately for the work place because my skirt was too short, and told that me dressing inappropriately has come up several times before. My skirt was 2 inches above the knee (and it's the shortest skirt I wear to work), and I was wearing grey stockings, so none of my actual leg was showing. I should add that no where in our dress policy does it say anything about the length of skirts, and managers and other employees regularly wear shorter skirts. Ex. While I was in the washroom crying, after feeling attacked and mistreated since I don't wear anything that is inappropriate, and I dress more appropriately than most of my colleagues, an employee came out of the stall wearing a shorter skirt than I.

(Like this, only it was a black skirt with grey stockings)

Those are only 4 recent (as in, 3 within the last week) examples of why it's time for a change. They don't seem so bad written down, but they really felt as though I was being attacked and mistreated. I'm not in high school anymore, and I'm sick of all of the juvenile bullshit. I'm a good person, and I've never done anything offensive to anyone I work with, and I don't deserve to be treated as if I'm some kind of worthless slut, because I'm young, and clothes look different on me then some of the other people I work with.

So I've applied for some other jobs within my company, and spoken with my supervisor about making my position part time so I can go back to school, (in the event that one of the positions closer to home does not pan out), so I can get the hell out of this place. Enough is enough. My anxiety is bad enough without having to wake up each morning dreading the 8 hours ahead of me.

Sex Bomb, Sex Bomb!

2010-09-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

FYI - This post is about "sex life" more specifically, my sex life...(that warning is for you Mom)

I think sex is healthy. I'd say most people would agree with me. Aside from the physical benefits of having a work out, the stress relief, and other necessary reliefs, it builds confidence, it strengthens relationships, it helps keep couples close, both physically and mentally, and is the distinguishing factor between, being a "couple" and being "roommates" as far as I'm concerned.

So yes, the BF does not worry that I'll ever "have a headache" or "not feel well" or "am too tired". We're pretty much on par as far as desire goes, and it's something I'm proud of, so I can't understand this perpetuated stereotype that women only "give it up" on holidays, and birthdays.

Anyhow...all this considered, and after 4 years of no excuses...no stereotypical, male gives female back rub hoping it'll lead to sex...it happened.

Two nights ago I was feeling sooo sick. I fell asleep at 7pm on the couch, and woke up at 9pm, forced myself to get up and go lay down in bed. The BF got me a "puke bucket" and laid down behind me, rubbing my back. And then...he tried to progress that back rub...seriously! Come on! I've never had to say "no, I'm too sick", until that day. I'm kinda ticked off that he made me say it...I was proud that I'd never had to before. So, UGH! Now I'm one of those women whose "too sick" for sex. Lame!

This Emotional Life

2010-09-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm a "social psychologist" by nature, in that, I am extremely interested and fascinated with social psychology. In university it's what I majored in, and since I do not work in that field I tend to forget how much I truly love it. That, and the fact that with my depression I have a hard time identifying hobbies, or things that I really enjoy.

Anyhow, the BF recently got "Netflix" and has fallen in love. I'm now lower on the totum pole then a program he pays monthly for, to watch movies, he won't have time to watch, that I'll likely have to wrestle him into watching. This weekend ALL he talked about was netflix to anyone who would listen.

It did benefit me however, because he found this great 3 part series called This Emotional Life. It's a "three-part series that explores improving our social relationships, learning to cope with depression and anxiety, and becoming more positive, resilient individuals." The BF started watching it while I was at work the other day (he's laid off again...) and knew that I would be really interested in it. So he saved it, and waited for me so we could watch it. I spent hours on Sunday watching it, and felt at home. THIS is what I love learning about, THIS is was I'm passionate about, THIS is the field I need to be working in. I know I would love teaching, but I would LOVE if I could become a behavioral specialist, or work in research. I'm successful in my job, but it's not my passion. I don't feel fulfilled doing it. But after 3 years of not having any sociology or psychology based learning, or information gathering, I had forgotten how passionate I am about it.

Now to make something happen...but what? How do I make this work for me?

Also, HUG someone today...preferably someone who will not lodge a sexual assault charge against you, or respond unpleasantly to your touch...because human touch, it's one of the most important things in a balanced human life.

It's all Lady and the Tramp up in this bitch!!

2010-09-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

Pictures of "my" animals...its in quotations because they don't "technically" belong to me...however I love them all the same!! We'll call them my roomates!

"No More Teacher's, Dirty Looks"

2010-09-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

I'm facing a dilema, one I'm confidant many others before me have also faced: Can I afford to go back to school?

Yes, I realise it's my own fault for dicking around and not completing all of my courses when I was actually enrolled in University and did not have to hold down a job.

Yes, I realise that had I made better decisions when I was 18 I would have gone to school somewhere else, attended a different program, and likely be in a much happier and successful place in my life. Too bad I can't call a mulligan on that one.

Yes, I realise that with only 2.5 credits left of my undergrad, I really need to do anything in my power to finish my education, and not spend the rest of my life paying off a debt incurred for nothing.

Also, I realise that I shouldn't say "but"...BUT now that I'm currently working fill time, I have bills to pay. I don't live at home, I'm not under Mom and Dad's wing anymore, and although they help me out TREMENDOUSLY I can't ask them to fill my bank account like they did when I was 18 and living away from home for the first time. So it's up to me. For the first time ever, it's up to me to figure it out and make it on my own.

If I quit my job I won't get any severance pay or be eligible for employment insurance, so there goes any form of income. I could try and keep my job and do courses at night, however the courses I'm required to take are not offered at night, so that limits that ability. I'm not eligible for OSAP because "I make too much money"...HA, come again!? (that's what she said!) And I'm not eligible for the "Second Careers" program because I'm not laid off. Meaning any government assistance is out of the question.

So my only option is to find a part time job, to work and attend school. Sounds simple enough, except I want the guarantee of a job before I quit, and all the jobs I've apply to have not returned even the invitation of an interview...so that's kinda throwing a wrench in the plan.

So here I am, 3 years after taking my last University course, and trying to figure out what the fuck to do with myself, and my future.

Oh ya, and this morning I read an article on how students with part-time jobs have a hard time completing their course work. Well FUCK! I had a hard time completing my course work while not working and sitting at home in front of my computer. Second time's the charm? Let's hope so.

Oh, and a small rant to the Canadian Government - Had you not spent 1.1 Billion dollars on the G20/G8 summits, you could afford to better assist all of your residents with their schooling. Like...I don't know... paying for it!?!! Do you know what the crime rate is in places where schooling is free? Do you know the long term benefits of having a well educated population? ...And while we're at it, what are the long term...or even short term benefits of spending a BILLION dollars on 2 summits, that caused nothing be grief to the people of Toronto and the surrounding areas? hmm...

Go BENGALS!!

2010-09-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

This football season I decided I wanted to have a rivalry with the BF. He's a Raiders fan, and all sporting events are more WAY more fun if you're cheering for a team, but especially if that team is in the same division as your significant others favorite team. That is unless we're talking about hockey, because if I were to become an Ottawa Senators fan, it would be the end of our relationship. I know this because he's told me...more than once. GO LEAFS GO!

So aside from my "Pffff...Miami Fan!" comments when I see people in jersey, I decided I wanted to get a shirt to support my newly adopted favorite team, and since I JUST saw a commercial for football t-shirts at old navy, I decided to hit it up. Well, much to my dismay, there were no Bengals shirts, OR Raiders shirts for that matter...Me= Unimpressed! What? Is my team not good enough to be supported my Old Navy!?? Now how the hell am I going to rub my overwhelming LOVE and support for the Bengals in BF's face?! Old Navy, you've just created for yourself a VERY powerful enemy! You ruined a good thing!

But, on the bright side, at least they didn't have Raiders shirts either...Ha!

This is Halloween, This is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!

2010-09-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

It's TIMMMEEEE! I can smell it, sense it, feel it...FALL! I am really very sad that summer is over, however fall brings us Halloween, and that is just SPECTACULAR! I LOVE Halloween...and also caps lock it would seem!

I've decided to go as Medusa, and my mind has been running ever since I made the decision. I love making halloween costumes it gives me the opportunity to be creative. I've seen some really crappy versions of "buyable" Medusa costumes online, and have decided to really do this 100% by hand (well perhaps with the assistance of my sewing machine) instead of buying it pre made, which I've done in other years because I spend all my time making costumes for other people. (You can take that to mean I'm an incredibly selfless, amazing person, or that I really like the attention I get when everyone is bragging that I made their costumes, and bigging me up...either way, you're probably right).

A couple of friends have already requested my excellence, so I'll be getting started soon! I actually can not wait! If I could make costumes full time, I would. Damn realistic income needs!

Some of my friends and I have decided to go with a mythological theme. So I'll be making, along with my Medusa costume, a Zeus costume, and a Hercules costume, so far.

Can't wait to upload the pictures once the costume making process begins!

Tattoos...a love story

2010-09-13T12:02:00.000-07:00

So I got my first tattoo last February. I'd been waiting for YEARS...I mean literally yearrrssss to get one. When I was in high school I settled for getting my nose pierced because a tattoo was "out of the question" according to the parental units. I can remember all through University dreaming and drawing up tattoo ideas, and waiting for the day when I would have an extra couple hundred dollars so I could pay for one. (Note to my employers: I still don't have any extra money sitting around, my tattoo was a Christmas present from the BF, you can definitely pay me more!).

Anyhow, ever since getting my first tattoo, I've wanted to get a second. I don't ever want to cover myself, I'm not a fan of that look for myself personally, plus I've promised my Mom that I won't get a tattoo anywhere that will show in a wedding / formal dress...blah blah blah.

So I'm currently trying to decide on my second tattoo. I have several ideas, but nothing is coming together the way my first one did (Here). I guess because of its sentimentality, nothing will ever mean as much, and be as easy to put together. But because I want another one SO bad, I'm bound and determined to find something I'm excited about.

What I currently want is:

A quote. I haven't settled on one specifically, however I'm thinking it will be lyrics and it will go on my rib cage. I also want to get a bird in flight tattooed as part of it. Kind of like...

The other option I'm thinking of is the lyrics "shine on you crazy diamond" along to outside of my foot. The only issues with that is a) I've heard tattoos fade quickly there, AND b) It goes against my agreement that it won't show if I'm all dressed up and wearing heels.

I would get "shine on you crazy diamond" on my ribs, except I'm looking for something that is a little longer so that it can be 3 or 4 lines, with 3 to 4 words per line.

Also, I really like elephants. They've been my favorite since, well forever. So it would be cool to get one tattooed on me as well, but I don't really want a portrait. So I was thinking of getting an artistically drawn one, done in just lines. Kind of like...

Only with his head tilted back and trunk in the air. And I haven't decided if I just want the head, or the whole body. The thing is that I want this on my wrist. As an everyday reminder to remember to carry my head high. Buuut again, theres the issue with it being visible all the time. I've always always wanted a wrist tattoo, but I fear what it will look like when I'm 80. I'm not too worried about what my other tattoos will look like, since it's unlikely I'll be wearing a bikini at 80, but I've seen what old tattoo's look like, and it's not pretty.

So, the humming and huhing continues. What to do...what to do.

If you have any suggestions, let me hear 'em.

Sunday Confessional

2010-09-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

Geez, it's been a while since I last confessed...

So here it is... I'm afraid to go to new restaurants because I'm afraid I won't know how to order.

It really stresses me out, especially if it's one of those places where you have to order at the counter, and there's a line up of people behind you, and you have to try and read the board behind the cashiers head, pick what to order, and not hold up the line and frustrate those behind you. UGh, the stress!!

So two days ago the BF, myself and a couple of our friends went out for ice cream to this new ice cream place around the corner from our house. I was first up to order so I did it fast and didn't get anything special, just two scoops of different flavors. I couldn't handle the stress of figuring out the toppings and types of cones and mixing the ice creams etc. So I went with the basic.

The BF on the other hand, doesn't play that way. He got to the cashier and had to ask a million questions and figure everything out. In the middle of ordering this happens:

He takes a step back, runs his hands over his head/face and says loudly...

"So is this where it happens? Is this where the world starts to pass me by. Where I don't understand what the kids are eating these days. What the hell...this shouldn't be this difficult!"

And that my friends is why I hate those situations, and also why I love my BF so much. He has no problem calling himself out, whereas I try my best to still look like I know what I'm doing, and end up eating something I'm only mildly satisfied with.

UPDATE: We went back again and I tried ordering something more complex!
This is: Vanilla Cake Batter (or something), Chocolate, with Oreo chunks mixed in.
DELICIOUS!

In Conversation With The BF

2010-09-11T06:09:00.000-07:00

Me: Are there red bumps on my back?

Him: You betchya

Me: Fuck, I have them on my legs and chest too. I'm either allergic to something or I have another random disease.

Him: It's ridicules the shit you catch.

Me: If I have hand, foot, and mouth disease again I'm going to loose my shit. BUT the doctor said it's like chicken pox, you only get it once. So if I have it again I'm like a medical anomaly.

Him: It's called a freak.

Me: Medical anomaly, I'm basically an x-man.

Looking For Catharsis - Because My Mom Told Me To.

2010-09-10T05:44:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this because my Mom told me to, and I always do what my Mom tells me to, like every child out there...kind of, sort of...well not really, but this time I think she's right. Writing is cathartic for me, and right now I'm really in need of some...catharsis.

I don't really know what happened...well I guess I kind of do. When I first started taking Ciprolex for my anxiety/depression, it worked WONDERS, like rainbows, and unicorns, and shooting stars all over the place. I couldn't have been happier, I felt how I'd never imagine I could feel. You see the depression and anxiety stem from abuse I endured as a young child, and because I was so young when it happened, the influence it had over my development was never seen. I've just always thought that this is just who I am. I'm a nervous, stressed out, lack luster, over analytical, not trusting, self sabotaging person. Anyhow, to make a reeeallllyyyy long story short, at 25 I finally decided it was time to see a therapist and get my life on track. So after a few weeks of therapy sessions, I went to my doctor and was prescribed ciprolex. It worked amazingly for the first few weeks, I had never felt better, and all of the "personality" traits I thought were part of me, just started to disappear, or became incredibly easy to manage. Then I ran out of pills, and being that I'm often self sabotaging (when the depression is kicking in), instead of going to the walk in clinic (my doctor was on holidays) I just stopped taking the pills. This fucked me over. In inexplicable ways. After a few weeks I started taking it again after my therapist insisted that I go to the walk-in, and have a prescription issued.

The medication has never worked the same as it did when I initially started taking it. I'm sure this is normal, since my body has become accustom to it, however after seeing the potential I have to feel good, and the way I'm feeling now, it's making the gap between the two even larger. I'm sinking into a deeper depression knowing the potential for happiness, security, funny loving, and confidence that I have, but can not feel right now. It's awful. Yesterday my doctor upped the dosage, so hopefully that works, since I can't stand feeling this way.

Side note - I have the world's best Mom. You might beg to differ, but she really is the bomb-diggity my friends. I called her, holding in the tears the best I could, as she unbeknownst to me, was arriving at the clinic because she either pulled a muscle really bad, or broke a rib. Instead of rushing me off the phone or telling me she'd call me back, the second she heard my voice, even though I wasn't crying yet, she stopped what she was doing and talked me through it. It wasn't until later in the conversation she told me where she was and why. Seriously, my mom, with a potentially broken rib, stopped on her way to the clinic to get ex rays, to talk me through a minor breakdown, offering to come over and hang out with me. That is just one of the reasons she's so amazing!

So here I am, blogging again, even though I have no drive to, for cathartic reasons. To try and pick myself up a little. Hopefully it works, because as my Mom told me earlier this morning, I'm way to young to feel defeated by life, I have way too much life left ahead of me.

Oh Ya...Right...I Have a Blog...

2010-07-21T06:52:00.000-07:00

Oh. Hello. Fancy meeting you here.

I wasn't feeling the blog thing for a while....but guess what people...come on, guess!?!!! I found another human pube on my desk this morning...seriously, that's right!...what.the.fuck.?! NOT ONLY do I dread waking up in the morning to sit in traffic, arrive at my most hated building in the world (think - how a wrongfully convicted felon would feel about jail), and spend my day with my less than favorite people....but then I have to get here and find friggen pubes lying around! What the hell happens in here when I'm gone!?! I think I should install hidden cameras.

Moving on - I ran out of my anxiety medication conveniently while my doctor was on holidays - I know, I know, great planning...shut up, I already heard it from the BF. So that last couple weeks have been fun. I finally got a new prescription so I'll be good to go again in a week or so when everything gets back to normal. Thank fuck! For anyone out there who is smart enough to realise what they're dealing with, medicate themselves, and then stupid enough to stop taking the medication after 2 months...a) I know, my bad! right? b) GAH! Isn't is sooooo much worse dealing with anxiety after you realise what it's like to NOT have to deal with it? BRUTAL! I didn't realise what it was like to not feel this way until I started taking the medication, and now that it's out of my system I can't believe I lived feeling this way for so long. Anyhow, starting today shit should get back on track!

Next order of business. You know how when someone tells you their funny, or prefaces a story with "Oh.my.god. this is SO funny!" and then tells you a kind of lame story that you feel the need to at least chuckle at because they were SO sure it was hilarious? Well that's what it's like when people write in their blogs about how funny they are, and that they write a humor blog etc. Believe me, I read my fare share of humor blogs, and they don't announce that they're funny. Because why? It's SO lame, and takes away from whatever it is that may actually be funny. Seriously, I have been reading this one blog for like 5 or 6 months, and a few weeks ago there was a post announcing that the blog was changing, blah blah blah, but not to worry, it will still be as funny as ever, etc. And I was all... "wait...what?!? This blog is supposed to be funny?" I was reading it more because I thought the topics were interesting...and then more recently, because it was part of my blog reading routine...not at all because it is "funny"...which it's not. You want funny, read The Bloggess / Ask the Bloggess. That my friends is funny shit! And she doesn't rub your nose in it! Fancy that!

For my wee little Sister...who totally thinks I'm funny...but she has to because she's little'r than me, so I can beat her up! Happy 21st on the 21st! - Black Jack Birthday! I love you a million trillion times more than you can imagine!! I'm sad we can't celebrate in true Gilmore Girls fashion...but whatever, I have something special in store for you! Mucho Love little Kitten!

I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always

2010-06-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

Loosing someone you love is never easy. I wouldn't wish the loss of a loved one on my worst enemy, but the sad and unfortunate reality is that death is part of life...children loose parents, grandchildren loose grandparents, parents loose children, siblings loose siblings, friends loose friends, and no matter how many times you've been through the heartache of loss, it never becomes something easily dealt with.

To one of my most dearest friends: My heart aches at the pain you're feeling. Nothing I or anyone else can say or do will make the pain and sadness go away, but you're strong, and you will persevere. I have never had the opportunity to meet your Nan, but from the stories you tell, and those members of your family that I've met, I can tell she is a wonderful woman, and raised a beautiful, kind family. Your family is her legacy, and one I can imagine she is proud of.

Eight years ago I lost my Grandmother, my Grams, and the pain, though no longer as prominant or consuming, never really leaves. Your Nan will live forever in your memories, and those of your aunts, uncles, cousins, your children and theirs. Although your girls are young, and your youngest will likely not have lasting memories, your oldest probably will, and she'll hold onto the memories she made at the cottage forever. Memories that would never have been possible without your Nan.

My Grams has been consuming my thoughts lately, either she's haunting me, which she would totally do, or all these thoughts about what you're going through has been reminding me of what my family went through with my grandmother. So in the spirit of remembering, and not letting memories be forgotten, here are some of my favorite Grandma memories:

She had a pole at the end of her driveway and would, without fail, yell as you're pulling away "mind the pole", even to my Mom, who had lived there her whole life. My siblings and I teased her mercilessly about it.

"Did you eat?" "Did your friend eat?" "Did you ask your friend if they were hungry?" "Did you see the donuts on the counter?" - My Grandma would and could feed a small army on any given day. Although her other favorite quote was in answer to the question "What's for dinner?", her response being (every time) "dry bread and pull it."

If you pissed her off, or miss behaved: "I'm going to string you up by your toenails and whip you with a wet noodle"

In reference to the make up I started wearing MUCH too early, and MUCH too much of "clean off that war paint"

Her nickname for my little brother, because he had a speech impediment that made him sound like he had an accent "...you little Dutchman". Sounds meaner in theory than it was in practice. She didn't have a mean bone in her body.

When bringing food from the kitchen into the dining room she would yell "coming around the corner!", so that no one would bump into her.

"pull up those pants, I can see your knickers" - self explanatory

And maybe one of the funniest things about her: the 10 pm. phone calls my mom had to make each night to wake her up in time to watch Cops and Jerry Springer.

This past February I got a tattoo in memory of my Grandparents that I have lost:

3 Lily's - each in different stages of blossom to represent the three generations, Lily's because they are both my Grandmas and my favorite flower, and the words I'll Love You Forever, because I will, and because my parents read that story and said that line a millions times to us when we were kids.

Happy Father's Day Daddio

2010-06-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

A little fathers day story for you...

Yesterday my Dad decided to play a practical joke on me...my Dad has a great sense of humor but I can't really remember him ever playing a serious practical joke on me before, so that in combination with my overwhelming gullibility (is that a word?) made for some hilarity for him...not so much for me.

My little story starts with me returning a missed call from my brother:

His Phone: Hello?

Me:...umm...is _____ there? (it's his cell so I was thrown off when he didn't answer)

Him: Actually, he is currently in custody right now. This is Sargent O'Mally...

Me: What? What happened?

Him: He actually ran a red light and almost hit someone, we have reason to believe he was under the influence.

Me: Oh my god, ok...(voice starts shaking and tears start)

Him: Is this a family member?

Me: Yes, his sister

Him: Ok, well you can come downtown and post bail if you would like, we're transporting him there now.

Me: (seriously shaking at this point, standing in a grocery store, while people stare) Ok, which police station are you taking him to? Either me or my dad will be there as soon as possible.

Him: Ok, you can pick him up at (gives my dads address)

Me: Oh..? But....Dad???? - Freak out ensues.

Moral of the story...joking that my brother (who wants nothing more than to be a cop) was arrested is NOT COOL. And now he knows how much I love him, hence the shaking and tears. I definitely got a big hug, and thanks for the willingness to post his bail.

P.S. My Dad didn't realise I was crying, he felt bad about that once he was done laughing.

Apperantly My Hero Doesn't Wear A Cape...As Far As I Know...

2010-06-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

You know your life is sad when you exclaim "You're my hero!" to an empty room when you realise the mailman saved you 2.5 minutes by presorting the mail.

Also:

I am currently look to acquire a leprechaun friend. Preferably with a thick Irish accent, wears a green tuxedo, and is extra teeny tiny, like the size of my pinky finger, oh ya, and a pot of gold would be a total asset. I will keep you company allllll day long and you can hang out on my desk. I'll make all sorts of little chairs and games for you to play that are leprechaun size, and I will share my lunch with you. That and my friendship are to be your only form of payment. Enquire within!

Remember What the Doormouse Said: "Keep Your Head!"

2010-06-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

Alice in Wonderland - I begged, I pleaded, I planned, I waited...I was like a little kid.

I anticipated the release of this movie for a year, looking at the pictures, watching the trailors, and planning when I would get to see it. You see, I have a slight obsession with Alice in Wonderland, AND with Tim Burton. So this was a combo made in heaven for me!

But much to my dismay I didn't get to see it in theaters... I did however get to see Ironman...bullshit! (actually it was amazing, but that's besides the point). Anyhow the day I thought Alice in Wonderland was going to be released on video, the BF and I went to rent it...I was off, by a day. We were one day early, so instead we rented the movie Bronson - Interesting, but definitely no Alice in Wonderland.

Anyhow two nights ago after I went to bed, the BF got Alice in Wonderland for us to watch. I wasn't sure if he had picked it up until yesterday when I asked him if he had gotten it, to which he responded ..."uhhhh ya, I already watched the first half of it..." my response: "WHAT?!? You did WHAT?" Him: "Yaaa, I turned it on to see if it worked... and if it was any good, and I couldn't turn it off.." So I was all, "Ya well now we're watching it as soon as we get home! And you're going to react the EXACT same way you did the first time you saw it! And you're going to say all of the internal thoughts you had about it out loud, so we can talk about it!!" (Ha, you fucked yourself!)

Then when we got home I asked him to get the movie and snack ready while I hopped in the shower, expressing clearly my annoyance and his jerkiness for having watched the beginning of it without me. Then as I leaned down to give him a kiss (because despite my annoyance with him, hes too cute not to kiss), he laughed, saying "actually I was kidding, I didn't watch any of it, ha ha, you're so easy to get going!"

Jerk!

p.s. We watched it. It was good, but I had my expectations set SO high, I think I made it unattainable. I'm going to listen to Jefferson Airplane's - White Rabbit now. *sigh*

Sunday Confessional

2010-06-13T05:06:00.000-07:00

I'm totally doing a "post date and time" for this entry. I'm just hoping it works, because if it does boys and girls, it means that I can write my Sunday confessional on any day of my choosing, which is never a Sunday...or a Saturday for that matter, and it will appear magically (that's right, this shits magic as far as I'm concerned, something needs to be!) on Sunday! Woo!

Anyhow, Sunday Confessional:

I'm Claustrophobic...which among several other things, is the reason I'm not catholic and choose instead to confess on here. Their little tiny boxes that you have to sit in, (which I'm sure stink like the body oder of the guy that was in there before you, likely confessing he has an adversion to cleanliness) makes it hard for me to think straight let alone breath properly. It's also the reason that I avoid taking elevators with other people. I need a plan of attack if the elevator shuts down and I'm stuck in there. Being packed in their like sardines with a bunch of strangers sounds like a nightmare, so as it stands my plan is to lay down in the elevator and force myself to fall asleep (I have an uncanny ability to fall asleep whenever or wherever I want to). See, if I'm sleeping than I won't be freaking out about being confined and about the amount of oxygen I'm using, and what I'm going to do if I need to go pee, etc. But in order to execute this plan, I need to be alone in the elevator, or at max. with one other person. "Why don't you just take the stairs?" you may ask...well dinkwad, the asshole that designed the building I work in, made it so that you can not access the stairs from the lobby, how brutal is that? So I'm stuck taking the elevator regardless. (And for you firefighters out there, you can take the stairs down to the lobby floor, however they exit outside, and you can only open the exit door from the inside stairwell, so you can't enter them from the outside, totally lame). So anyway, the moral of the story is that I'm claustrophobic, as previously addressed, and I'll wait for WAY too long to catch an elevator so that I can take it alone. If you're ever rushing to make an elevator and you see me standing inside, don't be surprised if the doors close in your face, I'm a bitch like that, I need to insure I have laying down space in the event of an elevator break down.

I have Jame's Brown's "sexmachine" lyrics in my head...they have nothing to do with this

2010-06-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

My spectacles, my sight enhancers, my visual aids, my glaaaaaaasses: I need them to see, I can not function without them.

I can't get out of bed if I don't have them, and if they are not specifically where I left them when I fell asleep I will not move until someone finds them for me...it's a hazard! Nothing has edges or distinct lines, I can't tell where one thing ends and another things starts.

Have you ever tried to go cliff jumping as a glasses wearer...sans glasses? Trust me...its terrifying. You can't tell where the edge of the cliff is so you have (or at least I have) an overwhelming fear that I won't jump at the right spot so I'll slip off the edge and tumble to my death. Yes...Terrifying.

How about being in the middle of a mosh pit when someone knocks your glasses off your face. So you're options are facing almost certain death by kneeling down and patting around for them, or facing certain death by driving home without being able to see. Luckily when it happened to me I had the assistance of a wonderful friend, and some wonderful strangers who held people back while someone else bent down and picked them up for me. They are insanely scratched (meaning I have more than one blurry spot in my line of sight) but I am incredibly grateful for their help. Otherwise...CERTAIN DEATH!!

I can't comfortably watch tv and cuddle with the BF because my glasses dig into my face.
I can't see when I go swimming, so I just float around with my eyes closed.

I hate going to salons to get my hair done because I can't see who is talking to me - and you would be surprised how hard it is to have a conversation without reading facial expressions.

I'm notorious for saying "wait I can't hear you, I don't have my glasses on."

I can't successfully shave my legs in the shower.

I have to do my makeup within inches of the mirror, literally inches, so close that if I put on mascara with too much gusto it ends up all over the mirror, ya...awesome.

(Is it ironic that this post is about glasses helping me see, and I have my eyes closed in this picture? Also, my eyebrows looking so red...an anomaly)

So...here's the dilemma. I like them. I'm used to them. They're like an old friend. I like what I look like with glasses on, and I guess sometimes I feel like I can hide behind them. BUT it would be INCREDIBLY convenient to be able to see without them. SO, do I get laser eye surgery and have perscriptionless glasses to wear around when I feel the need to glasses up my look? Because honestly, that's what I'm thinking is necessary.

So You're Not a Fictional Character, I Guess That's Alright.

2010-06-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the season finale of The United States of Tara. If you've never seen it before the husband (Max, played by John Corbett) of the main character (Tara, played by Toni Collett) is perfect, just incredible...AND he's totally my type, so we can say I have more than a small crush on him... but in a "I know he's a fictional character, created by a woman, written for a predominately female audience" kind of way.

Anyhow to make a long story short he deals with a lot of shit and sticks by his wife in a way only most women could dream of. He's what romance stories are made of, and not a measuring stick most men would want to be compared to. He lives up to every unrealistic expectation possible, and is basically designed to make women look at their husband and think..."Fucker! If I had multiple personalities that made me punch you in the face while you were sleeping, or cheat on you multiple times, or totally ignore your aspirations and desires, you would totally not be this supportive...what the hell!?...Douche!".

Well apparently not only women think that...so do men, or at least my man anyhow. Last night while it was ending, the good ol' BF looked at me and said..."Fuck, is that what you compare me to?!!" to which I responded, after slight hesitation "No way babe... No one could live up to that!" (But it would be fucking awesome if they did!)

BF, I love you, even if you wouldn't be totally relaxed about me punching you in the face while you were sleeping.

Wake Up! Grab a Brush and Put on a Little Makeup!

2010-06-09T06:05:00.000-07:00

I'm so sleepy - I could fall asleep RIGHT now if I wanted to. Well I do want to, I more mean, I would fall asleep right now if no one would notice that I was sleeping under my desk. I don't know what it is, maybe still the medication or something that is causing this overwhelming need to sleep, but it's killing me. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, I look like I'm stoned all the time. My eyes are half closed and half focused, and want to just roll back and close all together, I want that too. Right now I'm typing with my eyes closed because it feel so good. Anyhow, it sucks. It makes it hard to get work done. Oh and the BF is still laid off...ya it's been 2 and half months. BRUTAL.

One of the Many Differences Between Boys and Girls

2010-06-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

Conversation with the BF:

Me: "Hey do you want to see the dress that I bought for the wedding?"

BF: "I'll see it at the wedding right?"

Me: "umm ya..."

BF: "When is it again?"

Me: "less than two weeks, and you still need to get a new dress shirt"

BF: "Plleeentty of time"

__________________________________________

Conversation with the Bf's Mom: - 5 minutes later

Me: "Hey I bought a dress for the wedding."

BF's Mom: "ohhhh let me see it, I bought 7 and I'm not sure which one I'll wear!"

Me: "haha - I got this one for $25.00, what a steal!"

BF's Mom : "ohhh it's so cute, what color shoes are you going to wear?, I think grey would look good....Hey 'son' you still need to get a dress shirt for the wedding"

BF: "Relax mom...I've got pllleenntty of time!"

Why You're Awesome

2010-06-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

You tell me I'm "exceptionally beautiful"

This is upon waking up in the guest room of a friends house after a long night of drinking faaaar too much. Still in the clothes from the night before with makeup all over my face.

*swoon*

Frustration

2010-06-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

Conversation with co-worker:

Me: "Hey 'boss' wants to see you"

C-W: "Is there a problem?"

Me: "No, 'boss' just wants you to get a cart, bring it down here, load some paper on it, then take it to the photocopy room to load the photocopiers."

C-W: ...Blank stare

Me: Repeat the same statement only a bit slower

C-W: "...I don't understand"

Me: ..Blank stare..."what do you mean you don't understand? Just get a cart, load some paper on it, then put that paper in the photocopiers"

C-W: ...Blank stare

Me: "You know what, why don't you just go talk to 'boss' so they can explain it for you..."

Confessional

2010-06-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I drink too much...Friday was one of those days.

Sometimes I stay out too late...Saturday was one of those days.

Monday's should be part of the weekend. I need more rest.

FYI Mini Animals = Adorable...Finding Human Pubes = Disgusting

2010-06-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

Good News?!!

There were no human pubic hairs on my desk this morning.

YIPPEE - It's so not my thing, you know, finding random human pubes daily...on my desk...so not finding any is good news all around, for me that is...but it could totally be your thing...in which case, puke.

Bad News!?!

House Hippos don't really exist and I sooooo want one!

Sky Rockets In Flight...Afternoon Delight

2010-06-02T05:41:00.000-07:00

RATED R : Explicit Content, Possible Offensive Language, Not Appropriate for my Mother...or Sister (she's too pure)

I'm just going to go ahead and get it over with...S.E.X....sex, specifically that which occurs in the summer...there, that's what this whole post is about, so avert your eyes if reading that word makes you, a) uncomfortable, b) light headed, or c) nauseous. If it doesn't...lucky you, you get to hear about my sex life and my random suggestion for yours, I can tell you're excited - I would be if I were you, reading a random blog making suggestions for my sex life, so excitement is totally natural.

Anyhow, moving on...

Spontaneity, it's good for any relationship, and summer always offers SO many more opportunities for it, for both sexual and non-sexual activities, however I'm speaking specifically of activities of a sexual nature. I don't know if it's the heat or the lack of huge sweaters and long pants, or what, that gets the hormones raging, but summer sex is oh so different from winter sex. Not that I'm complaining about sex in the other seasons, but there's something exciting and thrilling about it in the summer. It's different, and each year I forget how great it is until the summer comes and we get to enjoy it all over again.

Now I'm not exhibitionist by any means. Not like the couple I once saw parked on the front row of a drive in movie, RIGHT in front of a light, so their whole car was illuminated for all to see. That shits just too crazy for me. But since the warm weather has come the BF and I have taken advantage of the hot nights, and the deserted roads etc. And let me tell you, if you want to ignite some passion in your relationship, take a drive and let your hormones take over. It's good for your relationship and as far as I'm concerned, good for the soul.

I would suggest to all couples out there, if you want a good time with your "other half", to drop the kids off to play with their grandparents or something, and take a drive as a couple. Call it "team building" or whatever you'd like, but theres nothing like pretending your 17 (not that I was doing anything like this at 17 Mom, if you're still reading this) and cramming yourselves into the back of a car. Just don't park in front of a large group of people in direct lighting...no one needs to see that. Believe me, it's not as hot as you might think it is.

Rage...of the Road Variety

2010-06-01T06:36:00.000-07:00

Road Rage, not to be confused with Roid Rage, is a disease. A serious, life altering, crippling disease...or disorder, I think it's probably more like a disorder. Either way, it has bad news written all over it.

I would estimate - or totally make up, whichever, that over 1/3 of the world's population suffers from this disorder (we can disclude incredibly rural areas, or places with no traffic or vehicles, which leaves places like China - which gives me road rage just thinking about it, or other heavily populated areas making up for most of this *completely fabricated* statistic).

Symptoms include: Dizziness, Dryness of mouth, Nausea, and the Overwhelming urge to rear end someone, Drive on the shoulder, Punch your steering wheel, or Scream obscenities.

"They" are currently searching for a cure for this debilitating disorder.

If you would like to donate to the HRRS (Helicopters for Road Rage Survivors) foundation, we (meaning I) are currently collecting funds to hire a personal pilot, buy a helicopter, and build a helipad on the top of my office building, so to avoid the daily frustration and the ridicules anger that consumes me each morning.

Thank you for your time and understanding. Only YOU have the power to stop the madness.

STOP THE RAGE

DONATE TODAY

ALIVE...without the plane crash and cannibalism

2010-05-28T05:49:00.000-07:00

~~Not~~ For Sale: One ~~destroyed~~ slightly used 5 series BMW. It has ~~incredible~~ minimal damage on the drivers side. ~~Completely written off~~. Great buy for a handy man!!

I apologise for two somewhat dark posts in one week, however my handsome BF was T-boned yesterday and it scared me. Terrified and upset me. I realised that the phone call I received from him telling me he had just been hit could have been an entirely different phone call all together. One that would have changed my life completely, and it made me realise how quickly life changes. I was expecting to go home to him, throw on my bathing suit and jump in the pool. I'm so lucky, he's so lucky, that the only thing destroyed was his car. It could have so easily been his life.

He was t-boned right in the drivers side door by an older man. The older man was waiting to exit a parking lot and cross the street, but an impatient prick behind him kept honking his horn and making a scene (apparently, so says witnesses) so the older man decided to gun it across the street just as the BF was driving by and slammed right into him. It ripped the entire drivers side door apart, left a huge hole in the metal on the door, split the leather on the interior of the door from the impact, and then slid down the side of the car denting, scrapping, and ripping apart the whole drivers side of the car. Luckily the BF's window was down, because it all shattered but luckily broke inside the door so it didn't cut him up at all. He walked away with some aches and pains, but hopefully nothing lasting. I'm so relieved.

The older man that hit him had no injuries either, and minimal damage to the van that he was driving. Thank goodness.

Note: The BF was driving a BMW 525i and he highly recommends them for safety. He is incredibly impressed by the protection the car provided. Oh ya, and he's only had the car for like a month - I have one unhappy camper on my hands.

Look A-Likes

2010-05-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

I've never been told that I look like any celebrities before. I've gotten a million "oh my god you look JUST like someone I know..." or "do you go to ____ University? Because I swear I see you all the time"...or "I just saw your Twin walking down the road..." but never a comparison to a celebrity. Until last week that is, when I got two...two different ones.

One girl, I've never met before, messaged me on facebook to say that she saw my picture in a photo album of a mutual friend and she "just needed" to message me and tell me that I look "EXACTLY" like Anna Paquin.

I'll take it as a compliment, but I've never seen the relation or ever heard it from anyone else.

Then a couple days later when I was camping a different girl came up to me and told me I look exactly like KE$HA. I had no idea what she looked like so I had to google her:

Crazy, two celebrity look a-likes in one week...the first of my life. I have blond hair and fair skin, and a nose ring like Kesha, but other than that, I don't really see the comparisons, but I'll take them. It's better than hearing I look like some random girl in your math class.

This Shit's Wack

2010-05-27T11:19:00.000-07:00

"The Throne" - "The Shitter" - "The John" - "The Water Closet" - " The Poop Box" - "The Lou" - or most commonly... "The Toilet". It's the "man's" domain, or so it's always been perceived. People leave fishing, golfing, and maxim, etc. magazines lying around for the men who use the washroom. The jokes are always about how long men take to...well shit. And since women "aren't supposed" to shit, or since it's not ok to talk or joke about it the way men do, women rush in and rush out of the washrooms so no one thinks they're "taking a number 2", at least most women I know.

Well fuck that. I don't want my bathroom usage inspected or critiqued, the thing is, I get distracted when I'm in the bathroom. I like reading magazines, fixing my hair, going through my phone etc, and I hate that if I take longer than the allotted time for a "female washroom break" there are assumptions made about what I'm doing in there.

When I was in University I spent allot of time in a house that was lived in and maintained by all boys. They always had maxims and other cool books and stuff laying around in their bathrooms, and I always got distracted and started reading them. Sometimes I would leave the bathroom with the magazine and go sit down somewhere to finish reading an article so I didn't spend too much time in the bathroom, for fear of comments, jokes etc.

But it's time to rise up and say "bullshit". If I want to sit in the bathroom and read a magazine article, or look through my phone, or read a novel, no one should judge me, and I hate that I even change my behaviour based off of the judgements of others.

Today I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom. I had 2 MSN conversations, 2 text message conversations and a message on facebook to attend to. And that "shit" (pardon the pun) takes time. So I sat in the bathroom and did all the typing on my phone I wanted, and didn't care who noticed the length of time I was missing. I don't need to explain what I'm doing in there, it's no one else's damn business!

Rant complete

Why You're Awesome

2010-05-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

I find you randomly washing my car.

Your reason: "I don't want all of the people you work with to think you're fucking weird"

You invite friends over when the house is a disaster with no desire to clean it, but god forbid I go to work with a dirty car...people in the parking lot might get the wrong impression!

Damn I love you!

Kumbaya...

2010-05-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

Someone was killed...murdered...beaten to death, less than 200 feet from me while I was sleeping. oh.my.god.

We went camping this past weekend (a long holiday weekend in Canada) with a bunch of friends. The place we went has a reputation for out of control partying. The BF has gone sans me the last 2 years because he had heard the rumors and was worried about my safety. Nothing happened those two years, he came home telling me that it was just like any other camping trip, albeit a little crazier, with lots of dirt bikes, quads and field cars, but as long as I didn't do anything stupid "like stand in the middle of the street with cars coming" than I should be fine, so this year we decided to go together.

He watched me like a hawk, a hawk that I didn't see and had no idea was watching me...so maybe a more accurate description would be: he watched me like a crazed stalker hiding in the bushes. At one point my girlfriend and I got in the back of a pick up truck that was going to go through the mud pits and out of no where I hear the BF's booming voice "Why the hell would you get in the back of a pick up without a tail gate?" yelling at us from atop a pile of rocks across the field. The guy in the front of the truck that we didn't know turned around saying, "so that must be one of your boyfriends". Ahem, yup. What can I say, he loves me...or doesn't want to explain to my parents why I'm broken when we return. Either way.

Anyhow, the rumors of this place seemed extremely embelished, it really was like any other camping trip except for the field cars etc. which honestly, made the days less boring. So I was all prepared to come home to all of the skeptics and those who thought I was crazy for going, and show them I am still in one piece and there is no need to be concerned or worry. That is until someone got beaten to death. Seriously, to death, at the campsite next to us.

The BF and I were sleeping at the time so we didn't hear anything happen. I woke up at about 4 or 5 in the morning because the BFs a jerk and stole my blanket so I went to my car to get another one. I came out of the trailer to see an ambulance, a girl crying, and another guy freaking out. I grabbed my blanket and when I was going back to the trailer I stopped to talk to a couple of my friends that were still awake and told them to go check out what's going on, because I'm terribly nosey, but wanted to go back to sleep.

We found out a couple hours later that the guy had died from internal injuries and there were police EVERYWHERE. I've never seen a real crime scene before, it was crazy. The whole end of the street we were on was police taped off, there were cops and investigators everywhere and no one was allowed to leave or enter the campground. We were on lock down. I was on lock down. Because of a murder. I couldn't comprehend it. I still can't. This guy, who was in his mid-twenties, is dead. He went away for the weekend with his friends, and his family will never see him again. So insanely tragic. My friend Ryan saw it happen. He said it started and ended so quickly there wasn't really anytime to react. I'm still in shock, and feel terrible for the poor guys family and friends. The four guys that beat him were all found and arrested. We're not sure what the motive was, but I can't think of any reason for four guys to beat one guy until he dies. Ridicules.

Why You / How To Irritate Me...

2010-05-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

Use the washroom stall RIGHT next to the one I'm in when ALL of the other stalls are empty. Seriously, there is a code of conduct for public washroom use, and it states clearly that you never go in the stall directly next to someone if there are other avaliable stalls. It's just friggen awkward.

The Blondeness of my Brain

2010-05-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

I'm infamous (if one can be infamous within their immediate family) for making overtly "blond" comments. My family gets a huge kick out of it, so I thought I would share some gems:

My only request is that you don't judge me...although I would totally judge me if I were you, so I guess I can't blame you...this shits embarrassing!

Move-y Around-y - as in: "Geez your dog is really move-y around-y" - ya... there's no excuse for this, although the BF uses it now, which is pretty awesome. "UGH, we are being way too move-y around-y, my hangover is killing me."

Asian-y - as in: "This spicy Asian chicken is extra Asian-y today"

Bony-fur - as in: "Wow this dog is really bony-fur" ... ya that one is beyond me. I think I was trying to say he was really bony with no fat on him, only a layer of fur on top of the bones... It's embarrassing!

The blondness of my brain - as in: "Hey guys, wanna hear the blondness of my brain?"...translation: I knew I was about to make a blond comment, so I was forewarning them...I didn't even get to make the comment because they were too busy laughing.

Deck the halls - this doesn't seem weird at all, except it was said in the middle of the summer in reference to the way someone "decorated" their car. - as in: "DECK THE HALLS!!" While pointing at a ridiculously painted vehicle. - Don't even ask...

I said something to the BF when we were out for dinner once that was just ridicules, what it was I said has totally escaped me now but his reaction was priceless. He stopped what he was doing, stared at me and said "I swear sometimes I think you're an alien." - Ya I say some really stupid shit sometimes.

Those are the only ones I can think of for right now, too bad my brother or my dad wasn't here though, they like to quote me regularly.

Sunday Confessional...Shut Up, I Know!

2010-05-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

I do not like buttons. Particularly plastic ones with the four holes...even as I type this I have a grossed out look on my face and I'm lightly typing on my keyboard as if it's covered in cooties. I fucking do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I am - substitute the "green eggs and ham" for buttons and were spot on...although I doubt very much that I would like green eggs, they sound DISGUSTING!

Apparently this has been a problem since I was a kid. My Mom says that I couldn't do up buttons so I flat out refused to wear anything that had buttons on them...I think that in a previous life someone tortured me with buttons, or my torturer was wearing button covered clothes...OR my torturer WAS a giant button...that's the only reasonable conclusion I can come to.

PS I would like to ask my sister to please remove the dish of buttons she left on my desk at my moms house. Not Impressed. Granted I don't live there, but now that I know that dish of buttons is there, it irritates me from a distance.

Take Me Down to the Paradise City...

2010-05-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

I need a change.
I'm feeling really antsy.
I think a lot of it stems from my job. I try to remind myself that I'm lucky to have a job in the first place, but spending the majority of my day, and the largest portion of my week at a place that is so terribly unfulfilling is crippling my spirit. My spirit needs crutches, I've placed an order for a wheelchair...seriously, you guys, my fucking spirit is limping, hardcore...it's going to be bed ridden soon, I can sense it!

So this is what I'm doing in hopes of lifting my spirits, (aside from the crutches and wheelchair solution):

Photography - My Dad is f'in fantastic! I asked him a couple weeks ago if he still had the old film camera he had when I was a kid, and if I could have it. He spent hours searching through boxes and found it for me. Along with some lens covers, a long super fun looking lens, a carrying case, a camera case, and all sorts of other little wonderful extras. I'm sure you can clearly gather from my expert camera lingo that I could show you a thing or two about photography...seriously, that's all i could show you. I grew up using a point and shoot. I have no idea what the hell all the little dials and numbers mean...camera gods...this is your shout out, HELP ME! The BF and I have played around with it and he has taught me a couple things, but I really don't have a clue what I'm doing, but at least it's fun and is giving me something to play with and explore.
Side Note: If anyone has expired film they don't want, and are just planning on throwing away, I'll take it off your hands, I love the effect that expired film gives photos, at least from the ones that I've seen.

Projects - The BF and I decided to refinish our coffee table. It's a HUMONGOUS son of a b*tch that his Mom has had for something like 28 years. We sanded it all down, and stained it this really dark brown and black colour, it looks awesome if I do say so myself (which I do, because this is my blog bitches, so you have to take my word for it!!). We then put a couple layers of a varnish on it to make it really shiny. It took us a couple days to do it because we fucked up a couple times...each. I'm not gunna lie, i think his mom might have died a little inside when she saw it, and his dad probably died a little inside when he saw the spots of stain we left all over his immaculate grass in the backyard from knocking the can over...better the grass then the patio, which is where we started though...so really, he should be happy!

- I'm not really sure why I put an "s" on projects because that's really the only project we have, i have no other projects lined up (which is totally bumming out my spirit again). Do you have a project you want the BF and I to complete? I can't promise we'll be sober when we do it, or that it will turn out anything like you envision...but we're free, and fucking awesome!

If you have any other spirit lifting, fixing, beautifying, etc. idea...spread the wealth! I'm totally game for any ideas!

Shit's wack right now...

2010-05-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

seriously. I will post more soon, just can't think straight right now.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...

2010-05-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

Like most women I see faults with myself. Lots of them. I rarely wear shorts, when I get out of the pool I immediately cover my legs with a towel, I always wear tights with skirts/dresses. I hate my legs. Or so I always say. Lipo would be nice I always think. I beat myself up over it. But then I look at pictures like this...

and I wonder, is plastic surgery really worth it? Are my self conscious feelings just internal thoughts that won't change with any amount of "work" that I have done? Should I just embrace my legs, flab, cellulite and all?

Slim legs, large perky breasts, flat stomachs etc. are all desirable, but at what cost? Check out this picture of Tila Tequila. A) Where the hell did her nipples go? There should be at least an areola or something showing, right? and B) You can see the scar or folds of the implant under her boob. Yes, big perky boobs are nice, but scars, and visible ripples from the implants...SO NOT nice.

I guess no matter what my insecurities are, I'd always prefer to have natural ripples and unsightly marks then ones that I paid thousands and thousands of dollars for. So I'll start reminding myself that now in preparation of bikini season. Ya, I'm not perfect, but even if I were to pay someone to make me the way I wish I were, I'd likely still be disappointed.

Update : I'm doing it!!! I've now worn shorts like 4 times since the weather has been incredibly warm and a jean skirt twice. This is HUGE! I don't think I wore either at all last year, but I'm determined not to let self concious thoughts bring me down!

Oh Fully Formulated Thoughts...Where Did You Go? I Miss You.

2010-05-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

What do you call someone who is of both Asian and Caucasian decent?

Is it Cauc-Asain?…because I’m seriously curious.
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My nose is super dry lately and it’s hurting…inside that is. Remember the Simpsons episode where Chief Wiggem tells Ralph that if his nose starts bleeding it means he’s either picking it too much, or not enough…well…my nose is bleeding and I’m not sure which side of the equation I fall under, I thought I was picking it a healthy amount.
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It’s the BF’s Mom’s 60th birthday today…I have NO IDEA what I should get her. It’s a big birthday. She does so much for me, I want to do something nice for her. I don’t get paid until tomorrow so whatever I get her I’ll have to put on my visa and I SO don’t want to do that, crap crap crap!
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I have a bachelorette party to go to on Saturday. I think I should get the bride a piece of lingerie…
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I wish money tree’s were real.
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My therapist said I need to stop living in a fantasy world, I focus too much on wishing things were real and on things that I can’t change...It would be A LOT easier (for me that is, and for you because DAMN I wish for such awesome things) if my wishes came true.
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Crazy multitalented people piss me off. No one should be able to sing, play an instrument, paint, dance, AND pat their head while rubbing their belly all at the same time. Spread that shit out. Everyone should just be given ONE talent. Stupid talent gods playing favorites. For example: Sam Roberts, he’s a Canadian musician, has won tons of awards etc…his back up career, NHL hockey player, that’s right, he got to choose between being a famous musician, or being a famous hockey player…how is that even fair!???!
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I wish it was Friday… (I know, I know, stop wishing for things, and focusing on that which you can not change…fuck it…I still wish it was Friday).

Today is a Day For Rhyming, It Couldn't Have Had Better Timing

2010-05-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

It's Limerick Day Beeeotches!!

I wish today I didn’t have to work
In my bedroom I would continue to lurk

But magic is not real
Regardless of how I feel

So sadly reality continues to smirk
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I will talk in limericks all day
Despite what my bosses have to say

My greatness is irrefutable
But apparently rhyming is not work suitable

They should all relax and find themselves a lay
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Today is a day for rhyming
I’m sure I would do much worse at miming

I can’t hold my tongue
Despite who I’m among

And my volume continues to keep climbing
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Limericks make us laugh - just like a fart
It was in Ireland that they got their start

I encourage you to share
A rhyme if you dare

I'll post them on my fridge like art

Sunday Confessional - On Monday

2010-05-10T05:56:00.000-07:00

I don't like blogging on Sunday's - So you should pretty much always expect the Sunday Confessional on Monday's.

Sunday's are my, wearing-the-first-articles-of-clothing-I-see-on-the-floor-when-I-wake-up, big-breakfast-eating, BF-cuddling, cartoon-watching, Sunday-driving (in my less than clean-but comfy-floor clothes), PVR-catching-upping, hangover-recovery, laundry-doing day. It's pretty jammed packed with glorious nothingness that turning on my laptop is WAY too much effort.

I love writing this blog, but not as much as I love all of the awesomeness and all of the nothingness that consumes my Sundays.

An Ode to My Panda / Why You're Awesome

2010-05-08T17:43:00.000-07:00

You wrote me a friendship love letter, the best friendship love letter EVER!

Believe it or not (but you should totally believe me because I'm a pretty honest person, and I don't get down on the whole lying scene) I had planned this post yesterday as I was driving home from work (because paying attention to the road is SO overrated) before I even knew about the friendship love letter you wrote me.

You're so damn awesome that you totally deserve the appropriate shout out.

You're the type of friend that anyone would be insanely lucky to have, and i appreciate and love the profound effect you have on my life. Without getting too mushy or lame (which is totally on par with the thoughts I had while reading your letter) I want you to understand how much your friendship means to me. I wouldn't mentally be where I am today without your help, guidance, laughs, and random conversations. You keep me from going insane on a daily bases.

You're one of the greatest people I've ever known, and that is not an exaggeration, you seriously seriously are.

Your daughters are lucky to have a mother like you, their beautiful genuine spirits are a true reflection of you. I hope you have an amazing mothers day, you truly deserve it.

Thank you for being such a wonderful friend and presence in my life.

If You Don't Read This in it's Entirety You're a Jerk...There I said it!

2010-05-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

I was just told by a coworker that I'm "not very exciting lately".
My response *big yawn*.

I don't mean to not be exciting, I mean to always be super exciting, it's just that I'm just feeling SO lack luster lately. These pills are taking so much out of me! I yawn all day long. Yesterday I took a two hour nap when I got home from work, woke up for 4 hours and fell back asleep again. I can't wait for the two weeks that they've told me this will last for to be over. I want to formulate full thoughts without my eyes glazing over and yawning and stretching like an idiot.

I have a whole list of blog entries I want to write, I just can't find the energy to make them even half interesting, so suckers, you're stuck with "un-exciting" entries for a couple days. I feel sorry for you! But not too sorry, I feel WAY more sorry for myself, because I'm the one feeling this way, you just have to read it. And you don't even have to read it, you could totally not read it, which would make you a jerk. JERK! Well I guess if you've read this far you're not the jerk, all of the jerks stopped reading a while ago...damn it, I apologise, you're not the jerk!

These Boots Were Made For Walkin', And That's Just What They'll Do...

2010-05-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

The BF suggested yesterday we go for a walk everyday. You guys! You have no idea what a surprisingly awesome suggestion this is!! The BF has a physical job so usually when he gets home he's sore and achy and I can't blame him (and if your significant other is like this, you know suggesting a nice walk is usually shot down with a "I walk allllll day!" response), but I sit still...all day, for 8 hours a day, NOT MOVING! UGHHHH! It's terrible, so I crave some kind of exercise after work (that is when I'm not exhausted, which is pretty much all the time, but mentally I want to exercise, really!).

Anyhow we usually go for a drive every night. We drive around listening to music etc. enjoying each other, the songs, and the scenery. We both love going for drives through the country side (plus he just bought a new car, so he loves it EXTRA much). Well last night while we were driving around he suggested we start finding nice places to park the car and go for a walk... and while we're doing that I can take pictures. Yippee!! We're not hikers, we are barely walkers, but I'm excited at the prospect of possibly being a little healthier, and exploring photography more. Especially with the BF's support...and not just his support, but at his suggestion! WooO-to-the-muther-fuckin-WhOOooO!

Completely Inappropriate, Awkward, Offside Comment

2010-05-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

So I have my nose pierced. It's been pierced since I was about 17, so for just over 8 years. That's like the longest I've kept anything, so I'm kind of attached to it. I kind of forget it's there, it's just part of my face now. Honestly the only time I think about it is when little kids grab it and ask me what it is (its a hoop, so a little more noticeable than a stud). My general reaction is "oh just decoration" because really...how do you explain a piercing or tattoo to a three year old, especially one that doesn't belong to you, so you're not sure what their parents may think of facial piercings. My mom has asked me regularly for 8 years when I'm going to put a nice diamond in my nose instead of the ring, and to that my answer is, "on my wedding day", but I will likely go back to the hoop right after.

It's not an obtrusive hoop or anything, some people have known me for months and then will randomly one day ask, "oh hey, when did you get your nose pierced?" either because it just really suits me (at least that's what I've been told) or they're terrible terrible friends and don't actually ever look at me. Anyhow I feel the need to express to you how "un-trashy" it looks on me. I have had several people ask me if I would mind if they got their nose pierced like mine and where I bought my hoop (its really tight to my nose) because I make it look good. (Ok, it was only 4 people so I don't know if that counts as several, but really, 4 girls have asked if I would care if they got the same piercing as me, so it can't look terrible, and that makes me feel pretty f'in good!)

Anyhow, the point of this post is a conversation that I had with someone the other day, well less a conversation and more of a completely inappropriate, awkward, offside, head shakingly weird, comment :

(note: there's an ongoing joke at work that I'm shackled to my desk...I may or may not have started it, but only because I literally can not leave my desk and it makes me stir crazy)

"Hey, I see you're packing up to leave, time to go home?'

Me: "Yup, they finally unshackled me for the day"

"Oh ya, you look like you would be into that kind of stuff, shackles and chains I mean. I can tell from your nose ring." (said seriously all sexual like)

Me: (internal gag) "uhhhhh" *awkward silence - head down continue finishing up* (thinking, "go fuck yourself buddy") - This individual is probably in their 50's or 60's and we do not have a relationship where we would make comments like this. The extent of our conversations up until this point were courteous, good mornings etc.

Since when did having a nose ring mean someone would be into that? I work with a large number of women from India etc. that have their noses pierced and I can bet you that comment wouldn't be made to one of those women, even though they all have nose rings.

Concentration? Wha? No idea what that is...

2010-05-04T11:04:00.000-07:00

UGH! I can not concentrate on ANYTHING right now, and it's driving me f'ing banana's!!

Anxiety is a bitch.

I actually knew what I was going to write 30 seconds ago, but then I got distracted thinking of a title and I forgot what I was going to write...seriously, I am not kidding. Thinking of a title regarding my ridicules inability to concentrate, ruined my concentration. Blast!

I have some work that I need to finish - can't concentrate

A very close girlfriend's grandmother is ill and my heart is breaking for her. I remember loosing my grandmother and the scar is still fresh. That was 8 years ago. I want to make it better for her, but I don't know how.

I want to take a shower, and a nap.

I wish I could remember what I wanted to write about.

I started that anti-anxiety medication on Sunday and I cannot wait for it to start doing something. If it works I may have a chance at a life I didn't know existed, free of constant ruminating, and the nauseous feeling that haunts me. I'm so excited at the prospect it offers that for the last 3 days I've been excited to take the medication, like counting down the hours until the time I can take it (that is NEVER the case for me. Up until I moved away to University my mom taped my medication for IBS to my lunch EVERYDAY so I wouldn't forget to take it. When I moved away I forgot...everyday). I hope I'm not disappointed by the results.

It's my boooddyyy and I'll cry wolf if I want to

2010-05-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

I'm a worrier, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I was never able to put my finger on it before, never able to understand why I was always in a slight state of panic, but all it took was for someone to look me in the eye and say "it's ok, you're just a worrier" for me to now be able to say it to myself. It doesn't stop the worrying, but it makes it easier to deal with because I can calm myself down by reminding myself "hey, crazy, you're just a psycho worrier, chill the fuck out!" and surprisingly...it works!

I remember once someone telling me I'm a hypochondriac, and being really offended. "Ummm, no I'm not...I've had a headache for A WEEK...hear me...A WHOLE MUTHER F'IN WEEK....I MUST HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR! That's the only explanation!!!" I'm still kinda offended, but I understand where they're coming from...I also understand where I'm coming from though, so they can suck it.

The BF is either the biggest whiner in the world, or his body is falling apart. I'm betting on falling apart since his knees are shot and I massage them nightly, he has a weird bone chip or something floating in his lower back causing pain, and his side/stomach has been aching for like 4 or 5 days. Yesterday he was sitting there holding his side because it was killing him and looked at me and said "I think I have stomach cancer..." (that's why I love him...he knows how to get a reaction). So when he said this I guess my face showed it all, my eyes got big and I got the worried look on my face, and he just burst out laughing, because clearly he doesn't have stomach cancer...but seriously...people with stomach cancer have to figure it out somehow, and it's likely that their stomach's hurt...right!? So it's not so far fetched now IS IT?

Sunday Confessional

2010-05-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

I pick my nose. I do not eat it.

Procrastination Is Like Masterbation...

2010-04-30T06:13:00.000-07:00

In The End You're Only Fuckin Yourself.

I should really be working on my "self evaluation", which is VERY lame and also due today...

I would looove to write (the truth):

I'm awesome, and you are privileged to know me, let alone have me grace your office each morning with my rays of internal sunshine, and amazingness. I deserve LOTS more money, and would appreciate it greatly if you would recognize my awesomeness and pay me appropriately...while simultaneously understanding that my presence alone is worth your while, so not to expect anything productive from me. And then rate myself at the highest level of the scale, because dudes, that's totally what I deserve. I get up before the sun for this place, and for that I think I should also receive "hazard pay" because seriously, it is dangerous not only to myself but to others as well when I wake up so early, and not because I'm driving half asleep, but because I'm TOTALLY not a morning person and I'm liable to rip someones face off if they look at me the wrong way, which is endangering them, and myself because I could totally injure myself in the process of maiming them. So...hazard pay it is.

Unfortunately, their "required format" doesn't allow that response, so I'm stuck with providing specific "examples" of why I'm a valuable employee, blah blah blah, again, totally lame. UGH!

I'm Delicious

2010-04-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ummm...I'm pretty sure my feet smell like McDonald's french fries right now.

Seriously.

Something smells like McDonald fries, and I'm alone in this room...there is no food...

Also, I'm wearing flats. Ladies, you know what that means...

No socks = crappy plastic insoles stink'n up the ol' hooves.

The worst (or maybe best) part...I don't hate the smell.

“Drugs Drugs Drugs…Which are Good? Which are Bad?

2010-04-28T09:56:00.000-07:00

Drugs Drugs Drugs, Ask Your Mom or Ask Your Dad!”

(Another 80’s commercial flashback coming atch'ya!...perhaps I watched too much TV as a child?)

When I searched for a picture of the commercial on Google this is what came up, but I think this was from the commercial that went "don't you put it in your mouth, don't you stuff it in your face, though it might look good to eat, though it might look good to taste, you could get sick, real quick" (if my memory serves me correctly). The message was lost on me as a kid as I was WAY too busy singing and dancing around to actually pay attention, but at least it was catchy enough I remember it 20 years later!
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Does anyone remember the log driver song?

“For He Goes Burling Down and Down White Water, That’s Where the Log Driver Learned to Step Lightly?”

The BF and I sing this probably way to much, and recently pulled it up on my iphone after a long discussion about it. 80’s children are FANTASTIC! Or at least our informative commercials and cartoons are!!

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Or what about, conjunction junction, what’s your function?

Goodness gracious the 80’s were a good time, kids these days are missing out!!

Anyhow, the initial point of this post (before I got distracted by awesomeness) was, I’m starting anti-anxiety medication today…woo? Not sure how I feel about it yet. I’m hoping to see good results because things have been barely bearable lately, and I’m ready to give off some positive vibes again (the vibes have been less that stellar lately, and for that friends and strangers alike, I’m sorry). Anyhow, for those of you who know me, or have read previous posts, I have both anxiety and depression, and I’ve decided it’s time to control it, because seriously, 20 (memorable) years of dealing with it has been WAY too long! Wish me luck…or at least be jealous of my super cool childhood commercial memories!

“So Keep Fit and Have Fun”… “BODYBREAK” (with Hal Johnson and Joanne McCloud) – come on… I had to throw that one in there too!

(Those of you not from Canada or if you have never experienced the awesomeness that are these commercials, I feel sorry for you!)

I Feel Like Pizza Tonight, Like Pizza Tonight!!

2010-04-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

Come On!! Remember the old "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight" commercial?

Anyhow:

I love pizza...I love it, I love it, I love it!

I'm not sure I'm accurately expressing my love and desire for it....it's obscene and perverse. I would eat it ALWAYS AND FOREVER. It's ridicules! It would be accurate to assume I am eating pizza at any given time...or at least 3-4 times a week, which seriously...is A LOT of pizza.

I once left a bar with a friend of mine (in the middle of having a great time) because we started talking about pizza (her love for pizza is in direct competition with my own) and walked all around town looking for a pizza place. We then (as a couple of less than sober girls) asked the pizza delivery man if he could "deliver" the pizza to our house, with us tagging along for the ride. THAT'S RIGHT, the Captain Morgans Rum commercial where they pull that stunt, was definitely based off of us, because we totally did that WAY before that commercial ever came out. Seriously, the driver went for it and gave us a ride home with our pizza!! It was AMAZING in such a way that only two intoxicated university aged girls could understand! (Well that's a lie, I would be over the moon if it happened again tomorrow...so either, it is just seriously awesome, or I'm still a university aged drunk girl at heart...either way).

P.S. I'm eating pizza right now...and I ate some yesterday...it's only Tuesday.

UPDATE: I also ate pizza thursday night...you're jealous arn't you!? I'm pretty sure I have pizza sauce pumping through my vains...seriously!

Shake On It...Spit Shake, Cause That's How We Roll

2010-04-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I say things like, "Ugh I want to hang myself", "plllleeeease shoot me now!!", and "F*ck, I want to kill myself" on a FAR too regular bases, just as forms of expression. Dramatic? FOR SURE! I don't mean them (pretty much ever), it's just a habit, but I know for some people, it's a reality.

I have a friend who is having a hard time right now with their mental health, and is feeling pretty low. They're at the point where they've recieved help and others have interviened for their safety and well being. It's been a process, but things are starting to look better and I have all of the confidance in the world that they will flurish and make a full recovery.

Anyhow, today we were chating online and I made one of my (perhaps offside, but so typically me comments) about finally NOT wanting to hang myself at work today, and they replied back with a "don't hang yourself , too painful, take pills". Funny? In a serisouly dark way, perhaps, but because of the their state of mind I had to respond with something! So an "Anti-suicide" pact it was. I won't do it, if you don't do it. And then I made them "virtual" spit shake on it, so to show I mean business. No suicides around these parts, not on my watch.

So friend...if you're reading this, I'm serious...I don't spit, EVER, especially not on my hand (even if it was just virtual)...so I'm serious...anti-suicide pact fo life! You're stickin it out, don't care, I said so! AND YOU VIRTUAL SPIT SHOOK ON IT!

Sunday Confessional

2010-04-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I'm going pee I wonder if it's really happening or if I'm actually in a coma and just dreaming I'm on a toilet and I'm actually peeing in a diaper...seriously, I'm sober.

Also, when I say sometimes, I mean pretty much all the time.

Stupid Question of the Week

2010-04-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

This is technically supposed to be a "stupid question of the week" (idea being the question was asked within this week) however as previously mentioned I live in a dream world, and this week has been particularly bad. Meaning I wasn't really listening when anyone was talking to me, or fully processing the conversations I was having, so I can't remember any of the stupid questions asked this week, however I'm confident that I was asked several stupid questions.

Something that I get asked on an all too regular bases is:

"Oh, do you want to try that on?" (kind of all surprised like)

Ummm...seriously? Would I have walked across the store, and waited in line at the change room for any other reason than wanting to try something on? Unlikely

Why You Irritate Me…

2010-04-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

You ask me if I’ve seen the weather outside…

The entire wall behind/beside me is a giant window asshole!

Further way to irritate me…be the 7th person in one day to ask the same question.

Note: This happens everyday, its not like there is some crazy natural disaster happening outside.

Dayyyydreeeeamer (should be read to the tune of "dreamweaver")

2010-04-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

I live in a fantasy world…like 60 – 70% of the time…sounds cool right? Wrong-o.

What a let down it is. Or maybe it’s me? Maybe I should be ramping this fantasy world up! It’s my fantasy world, right? I have ultimate control, muahaha! But alas, still sucks. Why you ask? (Or maybe you didn’t but I’m going to assume you’re not a total dick, and you’re playing along.)

It sucks because:

a) you miss A LOT when you’re constantly day dreaming and not paying attention, like half of all conversations, and then you end up throwing your two cents in, like yelling out of nowhere “Oh I loved him” (thinking you heard Arsenio Hall) when the conversation was about “our city hall”...not the same thing.

b) You spend a lot of time wishing magic was real, and then cursing the world because it’s not.

c) You spend so much time inside your own head that you can convince yourself of pretty much anything, like no will notice if I fall asleep at my desk if I lean over papers and make it look like I’m reading…

d) You get let down A LOT because you’ve already considered the perfect outcome in your head, and made a plan (that you often don’t inform others of) because you’ve had endless amounts of time to think about whatever situation or topic is at hand. – Also, the biggest cause of disappointment is an unrealized expectation…yup, I need to stop devising awesome things in my head and then not telling people, because when they don’t think of the same awesome plan and decide instead to do something else, I end up disappointed, one of many anxiety inducing situations.

e) Way too much time to drive yourself c-c-c-crazy!

(Oh did I mention that I work in a secluded space and I only get to see the people walking through my office or picking something up from me. Incredible lack of socialization in my position and I think “I am slowly going crazy 1,2,3,4,5,6 switch, crazy slowly going am I 6,5,4,3,2,1, switch”.)

Diddle Rhymes with Fiddle

2010-04-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

So earlier today I was walking through Winners and I saw a cute gift bag for a kid, with a picture of a cow jumping over a moon and the words “hey diddle diddle” written above.

Now I’m totally familiar with the children’s rhyme so this wasn’t lost on me at all, but I did however do a double take when I saw it and thought to myself…”seriously, you’re going to write “hey, diddle diddle” on a gift bag for children?…even after the word “diddler” is commonly used to represent a creepy and in some cases pedophile type person? Wrong…oh so wrong!”

This is what I found on dictionary.com

Diddle : Meaning "to have sex with" is from 1879; that of "to masturbate" (especially of women) is from 1950s. More or less unrelated meanings that have gathered around a suggestive sound.

And even though it wasn’t listed, it’s widely used as a meaning for pedophile.

So NOW am I not alone in thinking that’s its creepy to write it on a children’s gift bag? I thought not…

I’ve now written and internally said “diddle” so many times it has lost all meaning...perhaps that’s what happened to the people who designed that gift bag!

Note to Self

2010-04-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

Bran muffins with chocolate chips is NOT even close to the same as oatmeal and chocolate chips...nor is it the same as bran and raisins. I should definitely keep my day job.

What a let down...

Have you seen my heroine and or needle?

2010-04-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

Trip to the doctors office: $0 (I live in Canada…healthcare bitches!)

Request for blood sample: $0

Repeat blood work once a week for 3 weeks: $0

Looking like a heroine junkie from the bruising: Priceless

(I found this picture on the interweb, its close enough to my heroine chique look)

Stupid Question of the Week

2010-04-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

"Ohhh, so you’re still working here?"

Nope, I just hang out here for sheer enjoyment...they don't pay me or anything, I do it because it's fun!

Let's Get Digital, Digital…

2010-04-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

The BF loves him some video games, and being the steller GF that I am, I chill out with him while he plays.

These games are usually filled with endless amounts of sexy (not at all realistic) pretty much naked ladies in abundance. So I love when there is a sexy leading man in a video game, because believe you me, I don’t hesitate to discuss his sexiness. I have to hear about hot girls all the time, it’s only fair that I discuss the hot guys (even though they’re computer animated).

Anyhow, Nathan Drake from “Drake’s Fortune” is a total hottie…a digital hottie, but a hottie none the less. I watched that game from start to finish like it was a movie.

Does it make me seriously weird that I think a video game character is hot? Probably, but if you’ve seen some of these characters you’d think the same thing. And the women...oh the women..They pretty much all weigh approx. 110 pounds, 15 of those pounds being their HUGNORMOUS GIAGANTIC boobs, I would put money on the fact that most men think video game characters are hot too.

Oh GAWD, does this whole thing mean that I’m thinking way too much like men? That I can’t just see a video game as a video game? Am I spending WAY too much time around males?…is this is a serious problem?

Why You're Awesome

2010-04-15T05:02:00.000-07:00

You make me to dance ALL night with you, while you grab anyone and everyone around saying "Isn't she just the best dancer? If I could move like anyone I would want to move like her", without a hint of sarcasm. And that I "should go on 'So You Think You Can Dance'", because I "could totally win".

Also...Your imitation of "the mandolin dance" is pretty damn awesome!

Disclaimer: I am in no way a "dancer". I just indulge in the good ol' alcoholic beverages now and then (more now than then) and bust a move or two. These "moves" may or may not include alot of shoulder movement to the beat, the funky chicken, running man, hand to knee criss cross action, and some wiggles for good measure.

Buddy, I love ya, but you're the reason crappy singers and dancers go on reality tv...they have an awesome friend who thinks they're the bomb!

“Let’s Party Like It’s 1999”…(that’s right, I totally quoted a Prince song)

2010-04-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

Seriously, remember when…waaay back when, you were with someone and they were actually fully “with you” like body AND mind, instead of having their head buried in their phone?

I admit, I totally do it too. The constant connection is hard to break. I’m also guilty of getting frustrated if someone doesn’t answer their cell, or respond to a text in a timely fashion.

But when did we loose our manners and social graces?

We can be out with a group of 15 people and each person will have their cell on the table in front of them, at any moment grabbing it to respond to a call or a text, forgetting what they were saying or who was talking to them, letting the present conversation trail off. When did that become ok? And ohhhh so common?

Or the BF and I will be in the car talking and his phone will ring and he’ll answer it, engaging in a full conversation, umm hello? Did you forget we were JUST talking? There have even been times where it’s gone off at the MOST inopportune (wink wink, nudge nudge) time for the BF and I, and he’ll look at it like… “shit, what do I do?”. Obviously he knows he’ll get a shot to the nards if he answers it, so it just goes on ringing. But when and why did our cell phones become such an intrinsic part of us?

I don’t really have an answer to these questions, but I’ll bet that it’s not going to change any time soon. Let’s party like it’s 1999, with no cell phones (well not in the capacity they are today), and totally be present while we’re in the company of others…seems reasonable right?

I think I’m going to have a “no cell phone” party and see how everyone handles the lack of electronic communication and forced human to human contact…muahaha.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

2010-04-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

I like to think that I’m environmentally responsible.

I recycle (almost always).

I compost (almost always).

I don’t litter (pretty much ever).

I think hemp is a shamefully under used resource, that I won’t preach about at this time, but I will tell you that it requires few pesticides and no herbicides, can be used for paper, textiles, biodegradable plastics, construction, health food, fuel, and medical purposes, can grow up to 25 tonnes of dry matter per hectare per year* (how many trees would we save?) and when used for fuel it has a closed cycle (the amount of pollution it produces when its burned, is the same amount of pollution it cleans when it is grown). SERIOUSLY HOW ARE WE NOT USING THIS MORE? Minor vent, you can’t blame me, my last post was about how I consistently veer off on tangents, so you’ve already been forewarned.

Anyhow, yes, I like to think that I’m environmentally responsible. I think it’s important, but today when I got to work I noticed THIS on my desk and kicked myself, (well not actually “kicked” myself, a) because that would look totally awkward to anyone walking by and b) I bruise REALLY easy and it’s almost bathing suit season *fingers crossed*)…

I’m so disappointed in myself. I know I should use a reusable water bottle, but the BF’s mom (whose basement we inhabit) lovingly packs my lunch every morning (I know, right? How awesome is that!?) and gives me water bottles. The BF and I have suggested getting a water cooler instead of bottles, but it’s not our house so we’ve dropped it. BUT when I see all of the bottles pile up on my desk I get sad thinking of the waste…ohhhh the humanity!

Why don’t I buy my own reusable bottle and use that instead you ask? Well smart asses, I did, it’s just currently being used for a different purpose…and now I’ll probably never use it again, because I’m neurotic and will forever think I’m going to be poisoned by the flower food added to the water, no matter how many times I disinfect it…

I will find a recycling bin for these bottles and try better in the future to use a reusable bottle. Maybe I’ll get a new one tonight…

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemp

I Digress…

2010-04-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

Did you ever have to make “mind maps” in elementary school? It’s like a web of thoughts all over a page, somehow related or linked to one another by a main topic until it is just a mess of ideas. (We used these for brainstorming for projects or title pages etc.)

ANYHOW, that is how I feel my brain works, just a mess of random ideas, particularly when I’m explaining something or trying to tell a story. I’ve been told my whole life that I give WAY too much detail. When I was a kid everyone would head out of the room whenever I finished watching a movie or reading a book, because you better believe they were going to hear every minor detail about all of the characters, sub-characters, plot, etc. Sometimes my Dad would humor me and sit through my whole story, and for that I say “thanks Dad!” but I think it’s only because he knows I got it from him and felt he owed it to me to stick it out.

But whatever, no big deal, I like back story, I think it’s valuable. But sometimes when I’m telling a story I get so side tracked that I can’t remember where I was going with what I was saying in the first place… and by “sometimes” I mean pretty much every time I open my mouth. I’m like one giant run-on sentence. The product of a 4 child home. If I have someone’s undivided attention I don’t know what to do with myself, I get so excited everything starts flowing out with no for-thought or plan, its like I’m on Gilmore Girls, I talk a mile a minute. The BF always says “all of your sentences start with ‘and’”, which is pretty accurate, but I’m telling a story, AND it’s good, AND it will likely lead to another story, which is equally as good…AND this could continue all day, AND you better listen to me, because this story is important, or awesome, or both!

I do however loose people’s attention regularly and I’ve gotten pretty good at detecting when it’s happening. Mostly this happens when I’ve started explaining how a minor character in the story is related to the story as a whole, and then the story turns into one about that character, and on and on, and we loose the point of where I was going all together, but I always feel like those details are CRUCIAL to what I’m saying…you need to know that this guy (who triggered the story I’m telling about a different friend from highschool) has a brother, who is the same age as my brother, in fact, all three of his brothers are the same age as my siblings…well kind of, some of them are off my a couple months…and his one brother that’s the same age as my sister is going to university, and blah blah blah, do you have all day?

The big problem is when I notice that I’ve lost them I get so distracted that I can’t remember how to get back to what the story was about in the first place, and I probably had a good reason for telling it, but the whole thing ends up goes to hell in a hand basket, because I usually end up say, “uh…I totally forgot where I was going with this…BAH”

BRUTAL.

Stupid Question of the Week

2010-04-10T15:48:00.000-07:00

All mail for the business is received through me:

“Have you got the Canada Post mail yet?”

Me: “No, I already explained that you will not be receiving any mail from Canada Post because they have a holiday today.”

“So…Purolator? What about that?”

Me: “Your Purolator delivery is mail from Purolator, you will still get that mail, because it is coming from Purolator, not Canada Post…and you’ve already received that today.”

“Ok…so no mail then?”

Me: “Nope…”

“Should I leave my cart here for when I have to pick up the mail?”

Me: “What?...No! You’re not getting any mail from Canada Post today…you’ve already received all of your mail for today…ok?”

“Uhhh, ok…so…hmmm…I guess I’ll take my cart then?”

Me: “Yes, I would suggest you do that…”

Dream Cheating…"What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!!"

2010-04-09T05:34:00.001-07:00

Dream cheating sucks, and I’m speaking specifically of the ‘BF cheating on me in my dreams’ variety. That crappy, anxious feeling, always lasts and kind of stays in the back of my mind for the day. And seriously, I don’t need to add to the list of things that cause anxiety, that list is pretty stacked as it is.

I don’t know why it effects me so much, maybe because I’ve always kind of secretly thought that I have a 6th sense, and that my dreams are indications of things to come…so clearly, dreaming that you’re boyfriend is cheating on you sucks when you think it’s your brain telling you the truth.

I guess if I want to believe I have this “power” though, then I should NEVER go hiking near the Harvard University campus, because there is likely a crazy murderer dressed in a full body bear skin waiting to kill my dog and then chase the BF and I to Cuba to try and kill us, because that’s the other dream I had…and it’s TOTALLY plausible, right?

Or maybe I should just chill the fuck out and realize that “hiking near Harvard” is a TOTAL joke…the BF and I don’t hike, we sometimes walk, but that’s the extent of it…so maybe I don’t have a special power…crappy… but it totally solves the dream cheating anxiety issue.

Quick! Staring Contest, Me and You…

2010-04-07T07:28:00.000-07:00

I have a problem, it’s probably not life threatening, BUT it may threaten my safety, in that people could TOTALLY misunderstand my need to engage in staring contests, particularly because they’re likely a stranger. And you know what they say about “stranger danger”, so I can only assume that each time I engage a stranger in a staring contest they want to stab/cut me. It only makes sense.

I mean, it’s not that I go out looking for staring contests, but if I’m out and happen to catch someone’s gaze, I will not being the first one to break it. I have no idea why I do this, maybe because I like to tempt fate, but so far no cutting or stabbing has occurred, so that’s good, since I’m all about keeping my skin stab/cut free.

Maybe it’s a primal animalistic need to prove superiority over others by holding their gaze until they look away…that’s what you do with Dogs to prove you’re superior, right?

Or maybe I’m just crazy and have nothing better to do with my time.

Or maybe I do it because it’s WAAAY easier to win a staring contest with someone who doesn’t know they’re participating, so it looks good on my win/lose ratio.

Whatever subconscious reason I have, I’m sure it’s a great one. I just hope that I can continue my trend of remaining unharmed by my staring contest opponents.

*Fingers Crossed*

Why You Irritate Me

2010-04-06T09:46:00.000-07:00

You fall asleep during one of my favorite 80's movies, that I may or may not have forced you to watch. Not cool. Next time I'm taping those eyes open, so that you will understand the awesomeness of my random quotes. Next time...

Why You’re Awesome

2010-04-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well…first and for most, you gave birth to me, and that is seriously awesome…because where would I be without you? Not here… that’s for sure.

But also, because even though I’m grown and don’t live with you anymore, you’re still my momma bear, and you let me know in no uncertain terms that you’ve always got my back, and that is awesome, just like you.

Forever my little momma.

Back to Reality, Oops There Goes Gravity

2010-04-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

I am convinced there is nothing worse than getting up and going into work on Monday mornings. I mean sure…swimming in shark infested water seems WAY worse, but I will never put myself in that position, so I don’t really count it on my list of worse things EVER. Does believing that “getting up for work on Monday is the worse thing ever” make me over dramatic? Perhaps, but I’m sticking to my guns on this one.

I reeeeeaaallly hate it.

And believe me, I am well aware of the strength of the word “hate”. I told my Aunt when I was 4 that I hated her, and believe you me, she set me straight on the meaning and strength of that word. She set me SO straight that I got worked up, started crying and puked all over her feet, so when I say that I hate something…I’m very serious. I don’t need to get that lecture again, my stomach seriously can’t handle it.

Oh wait…a small adjustment to my statement: “There is nothing worse than getting up and going to work on Monday mornings”…”When the BF is laid off, and still sleeping in our big comfy bed”…THAT is the WORST!

Since he is a tradesman, he is in and out of work throughout the year, especially in the last couple years with the economy being so crappy. They’re (the union he’s in) predicting he will be off work for a month this time around, which I guess could be worse, BUT that means an ENTIRE month of waking up and going to work while he sleeps all snuggled down in our bed, while I want nothing more than to find a big blow horn to wake him up with…so that I can kiss him goodbye, that’s the only reason I want to wake him. I think it’s totally fair that I get the satisfaction of waking him up in a loud and abrupt fashion, because, whatever, he gets to go back to sleep, and I DON’T…I have to go to the godforsaken place that pays (barely) my bills.

LAME!

Stupid Question of the Week

2010-04-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

They say there are no stupid questions...well my friends, that shit is just not true. Clearly "they" haven't met the idiots I encounter, because honestly, I'm surprised I'm not bald yet, these people make me want to rip my hair out.
This is one of the gems I was asked this week:

On the 5^th floor of my office building:

“How do I get to the 6^th floor?”

Me:*Points to the row of 5 elevators we’re facing* “or you can take the stairs, they’re right next to these elevators, that door right there…”

“Ok, so if I don’t want to take the stairs, I have to take the elevator right?”

Me: “…Yes…”

Are you serious? How did you manage to get to the 5th floor in the first place?

You’ve got a friend in me…except you, because you’re a pirate hooker

2010-03-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

Girls Code – it exists. We always hear about “guys code” this and “guys code” that, but seriously, there is a “girls code” too, which most girls follow. It is the not following of this “girls code” that creates problems between females, just as it does between males, however girls are way more dramatic about it, and less likely to resolve things with a punch to the face…we’ll just talk shit about you behind your back, which is TOTALLY the mature thing to do. But come on…follow the fucking code.

If you want to maintain a friendship with the female half of a heterosexual couple, these are some of things that will surely piss her off, so I would suggest avoiding them.

Do NOT spend your summer days hanging out at an unavailable male’s house by his pool in your bikini while his girlfriend/wife is at work all day, this will surely piss her off. That is unless you are with a group of people…but one-on-one is TOTALLY uncalled for.

Do NOT ask an unavailable male to do “boyfriend/husband-y” things for you, like put fuel injector cleaner in your car, unless he is a mechanic, and you’re a fucking idiot. Read the bottle, the instructions are clear; a monkey could figure it out. ALSO, do not do this on a regular bases. This boy is NOT your boyfriend/husband, and it will surely start to piss his girlfriend/wife off if you’re constantly asking him to do little things for you. Particularly because most boyfriend/husbands have stopped doing these little things for their girlfriend/wives ages ago.

Do NOT wear mini skirts, super low cut tops, anything SUPER revealing and then dance on tables in front of a bunch of unavailable males. That is essentially was a stripper does, and if that’s not the reputation you want, do NOT do this. Easy right? Go ahead a do it in front of a group of single males, but don’t whine when they try to hit on you, and put on a big show about how you’re always being hit on. It’s your own damn fault.

Absolutely under no circumstances should you cause issues/arguing between a couple. Do NOT stir the pot. That is a sure fire way to have the female not want you around.

Do NOT purposely spend time with an unavailable male when he and his significant other are fighting and you are aware of it. Put yourself in her position for a second, not cool.

And NEVER tell a girl that her boyfriend/husband was interested in you first, that is unless all parties are aware of it. Otherwise you’re just being a bitch.

Honestly, these should not need to be listed, it should be common fucking sense.

If you don’t want the reputation of slut, don’t act like one, and if you want to maintain your female friendships, be respectful of their romantic relationships.

Simple as that.

Why You're Awesome

2010-03-30T08:28:00.000-07:00

You text me this mid party, while sitting across the room:

BF: You smell

Me: Like what?

BF: Ass farts

Me: ha ha, ass farts…

Are you alone in there?

2010-03-29T10:49:00.001-07:00

I think its worth saying, I am TERRIFIED of split personalities…this is the number one reason I didn’t become a psychologist. The risk of having to treat someone with it causes a ridicules amount of panic within me.

Mainly, I’m afraid of men who’s alternate personality is a young girl. There is nothing creepier than a grown man speaking in a female child’s voice. I’m not totally sure where this fear initially came from, but it is VERY real.

The BF is WELL AWARE of the situation, and sometimes feels the need to talk to me in a young female voice in the dark...He gets one warning to knock it off, and then the lights go on…and remain on for the night. I am not kidding. I can’t handle it!

Side note: The television show ‘The United States of Tara’ on showtime, is awesome, but at times it’s like watching a scary movie.

More crazy to come…

2010-03-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

Did you know that you don’t show your full psychotic potential until you’re into your 20’s?

I sure didn’t…this explains A LOT…like a lot a lot.

I just thought I liked to sleep a lot and that I’m a “worrier” which causes me to “feel sick” sometimes. What a mistake that is. Turns out I have “depression” and “anxiety”…UGH, it just sounds SO lame to say that, because really…who doesn’t these days.

What freaks the fuck out of me though is, I have a solid 4 more years of my 20’s…that’s 4 more years to find out I have laundry list of psychological disorders, like: split personalities, or schizophrenia, or objectum sexuality (meaning I’m sexually attracted to inanimate objects) which is pretty awesome if you think about it, annnnnd I do think my cell phone is pretty sexy! I’m on my way…

Here’s to the next 4 years of mental health (good or bad, only time will tell)

Smells like teen spirit…

2010-03-24T07:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, so they’re close to 10 years past “the teens”, but with some men you would never know it. I can not begin to count the amount of times I’ve gone down into our basement and said “it smells like boy down here” while the BF and his buddies sit around playing video games and drinking beer. How do they do this? How can some men turn a perfectly clean, odorless room, into a messy stinking teenage boy seeming room, in the span of a couple hours? Especially while they’re sitting still, not really working up any kind of sweat.

Anyone who has a teenage boy or has grown up with a teenage boy, knows this smell. I had the good fortune of growing up with two, and although they showered regularly, and were relatively tidy (with the help of their Mommy) their rooms always had a “boy smell”. It’s not an unbearable, awful smell by any means, it’s just distinctly male. And what’s funny about the “boy smell” is that the boy’s themselves never smell that way, its just the room that they’re inhabiting.

I constantly tease the BF that he’s “five years old”. But realistically he’s more like 17. He still has the incredible knack of boyishly smellin’ up a room while just sitting around with a bunch of his buddy’s, and has established a very different definition of “clean” from myself, which I’m sure, is the same as it has been since he was a teenager.

My definition of “cleaning up” would include:

Putting all of the dishes in the dishwasher
Throwing out all of the garbage
Putting all of the cans/bottles into the recycling bin
Finding a place for all of the papers that have inevitably pilled up
Clearing off the computer desk
And generally tidying up
*Note: Dusting and Vacuuming aren’t part of “cleaning up” because they happen on the weekends.

The BF’s definition of “cleaning up” would include:

Piling all of the dishes in one area on the coffee table
Stacking the papers together in one pile
And putting all of the recycling in one area (but not dumping out the contents)

Now this isn’t to discredit the help he gives me when I’m cleaning, because he definitely pitches in and helps me out. This is just what he thinks is appropriately clean if I’m not there and have asked him to clean up. Generally I’ve asked him to do it while I’m not there because people are coming over, and when I inevitably say “this isn’t clean, people are coming over” he responds with “whatever, they don’t care.” – Again, 17.

Gotta Love him though, even if we define clean in two TOTALLY different ways, because he’s got that adorable devilish grin that gets him away with everything (and he knows it!).

One moondance with you…

2010-03-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

Music – It has always been a HUGE part of my relationship with my BF. One of our first connections on the first day we really spent any amount of time together was over a Meatloaf cd. And since that day it has never ceased to be a connection. Some of my favorite moments with him have been driving around with the windows open and the music blaring just enjoying the songs the weather and the company.

We don’t really have “a song” if anything we have “a song of the moment”. Over the years that we’ve been together there have been so many songs, lyrics, dances and moments shared to a varying range of music that I couldn’t even nail down one specific artist or genre.

We do however have a “breakup song” - Every Rose has its Thorn, by Poison - because laughing about that cliché is just so very us. But despite the planned breakup song we are in love, seriously!

So when he told me the music he wants played at his funeral, I guess it didn’t phase me that a) we were talking about our funeral music b) he wants what will be our wedding song played, as well as goodbye to romance by Ozzy among others. This didn’t phase me that is, until he had me sit down and “really listen” to the lyrics. First, this song was written by Ozzy for his deceased bestfriend / bandmate so the lyrics are heartfelt and personal, and second, it is beautiful and is so very him. Well I can tell you, there were no shortage of tears while listening to this and looking at my handsome bf, whom I love and don’t ever want to imagine burying. And yes, while I was an emotional wreck he looked at me, smiled big, laughed a little and said, “well at least you’ll remember this moment at my funeral!”, while giving me a huge hug. Thanks for the heartbreaking future memory, Jerk!

Forever somebody’s something…

2010-03-18T10:51:00.001-07:00

“Hi, I’m (insert name)’s (insert relation), 'Mandolin'”

This has been my way of introducing myself my whole life. Always as someone’s; girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend etc. first, my name/identity always coming in a distant second, to the point that I’ve on occasion forgotten to say it all together. And from then on I’m referred to as “so-and-so’s girlfriend”, which really… not a healthy way to identify one’s self.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a part of all of the relationships I have, and it’s not that I don’t want to be associated with them, it’s just I think when introducing one’s self, one’s name should be the first point of business…correct? Maybe I should invest in some “hello my name is…” tags and introduce them into my daily wardrobe!

Anyhow, I guess first things first, on this journey of self discovery, or whatever the hell it is, should probably be to stop defining myself based on the relationships I have, and rather define myself by, well…myself, insightful right? Most of you probably nailed this down by the pre-teen phase, so since I’m about a decade behind, this must just mean I’ll live longer than you, muahaha!

If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes…

2010-03-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

…we’d all be going through a SERIOUS sugar withdrawal. However I think I could manage because…SUMMER, it’s almost here! I can feel it, and smell it, and I absolutely LOVE it!

I’ve always said/thought that autumn was my favorite season, it’s so beautiful, but spring! there is something special about spring. I’ve always attributed this warm happy feeling that I get at the early stages of spring to seasonal affective disorder (which unfortunately is a reality for me), and the fact that spring signifies sunlight and happiness. HOWEVER, this winter has been SO mild and sunny, that I think it’s more than that. I think I just truly love spring, and all of the things that come with it.

Like:
Puddles
Flowers
Thunder Storms
Birds
Rolling down car windows and listening to loud music
Flip Flops
Sunglasses
That smell! “Can’t you smell that smell?”
And the early signs of summer

This is WONDERFUL! I just added another “love” to my list, and that my friend is nothing but good news!

Why You're Awesome

2010-03-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

M: It's funny that I hate socks and you love them
BF: Do you think the universe will let us stay together?
M: Why because we feel so differently about socks?
BF: Yes...against all odds we manage to be together, its crazy!

Does this thing come with a manual?

2010-03-13T17:34:00.000-08:00

Life...at 25 I'm trying to figure it all out. What decisions should I be making? What career path should I be taking? What relationships am I faking? (ok well the last one seems a bit dramatic, but something in me really needed to finish that rhyme). Anyhow the moral of the story is, decisions have to be made and I have no idea if I'm taking the right paths. I don't deal well with change, so staying where I am, however unsatisfied, seems easier and more comfortable, but would taking a chance on something else be benifical? How do I know I won't be equally unsatisfied with the other options? I guess I already know the answer...you'll never really know. But wouldn't it be nice if life came with a manual..."these are the decisions you should make, they will insure your success and happiness." Or at least a crystal ball...